The Monday Catchup


The bottle is back.

April 10th 2017

Boil Alert: Day 5

The day began with gray weather and mild winds from the south east. All but one crew member has the scurvy – hemorrhaging, feverish, and omitting the most vile odors. I fear that my days are numbered. How long must I suffer ingesting this boiled water? How long must my mouth commune with the lifeless lip of a plastic bottle? Even La Croix, in all her purity, has begun to make me sad. Gambier, I love you but you’re bringing me down. Oh! I long to drink crystal waters directly from the faucet. What naive sin! What halcyon pleasure! My tongue greedily licks tears as they fall from my face, desperate to drink of that stream which flows from within. I am all salt, all dry, all crust crumbling to dust. I also found a dollar in my pocket, today. That was nice. What boil alert blessings do you have for me?

“I drank that water anyway. HA! The. Joke. Is. On. Them.”

Continue reading

“Boil Alert: Reloaded” is Here, and It’s Just as Bad as the Sequel to “The Matrix”


Get that kettle a-steamin’, party people! In an email sent via Student Info, Barbara Catt stated the following:

A main water line has broken on Brooklyn street.  The Village Administrator has had the water shut off and the water company is on scene.  Gambier & Kenyon will be under a boil alert once the line is repaired.

Campus Safety currently hasn’t any further details.  We will relay updates as they are received.
Whether you’re rearing to brush your pure, sweet little teeth or hydrate after a sweaty night yelling trivia answers at the VI, make sure to only ingest bottled or boiled water. We wouldn’t want what happened the last time we had a boil alert to happen again, now would we?*
*Nothing happened.

10 o’clock(ish) list: Things You Can Do Now That the Boil Alert is Over

Renowned writer and editor Jack Quigley '16 bathes in the freedom of an unregulated water supply.

Renowned writer and editor Jack Quigley ’16 bathes in the freedom of an unregulated water supply.

We did it, Kenyon. We survived not one, but TWO water-related crises. We broke out our electric kettles and used them like we never had before. We ruined CHIPS water bottles and turned ordinary recycle bins into Snapchat-worthy installation art. We skillfully exploited a countywide problem solely affecting tap water, using it as an excuse to avoid classwork, KAC workouts and the terrifying behemoth that is Peirce Hall. We didn’t just survive; we THRIVED.

But now, the boil alert is over. And that’s pretty cool, too, wouldn’t you say? What? No? You miss the excitement of avoiding contaminated H2O at all costs? You miss the crunch of cheap water bottles as they crinkled and bent in your grasp? You miss the intrigue? The excitement? The thrill of it all?

Let me remind you: This boil alert was a heckin’ nuisance. You can do so many great and good things now that it’s over. Do I need to spell them out for you? Fine. I will, but only because I have to. Continue reading

BREAKING: Boil Alert Effective in Gambier



At about 5:30 PM this afternoon, Kenyon students were alerted to a boil alert for the Village of Gambier by text message and e-mail.

For those students who may not be aware, a boil alert is a a warning from the government or health authorities, and means that an area’s drinking water may be contaminated with pathogens and should not be drunk. Students should either drink bottled water, or boil their water. Water should be boiled for a full minute in order to disinfect it. Note: filters do not disinfect water. You should not brush your teeth, but you can wash your hands and bathe — just be careful not to ingest any of the water.

As of publication, the College has not issued any notice of why there is a boil alert, or when the alert will end. This article will be updated with new information.

UPDATE [9:00 PM, 4/19]: Peirce staff members got 4000 bottles of water, and have/are in the process of distributing them between the Peirce Hall, the Gund Commons Game Room and KAC Café. They are also boiling water to use tomorrow in Peirce Hall.

UPDATE [10:00 PM, 4/19]: The Office of Communications sent a News Bulletin e-mail to the campus regarding the boil alert. It reads:

A drop in pressure at the Mount Vernon Water Treatment Plant due to a change in well pumps has triggered a boil alert for the village of Gambier, including the Kenyon campus, according to village administrator Suzanne Hopkins. The village received notice about the boil alert at around 5 p.m., and the Kenyon community was informed shortly after. All tap water should be boiled before consumption. Do not consume water from drinking fountains or sink or shower faucets or consume ice from ice machines until further notice. The boil alert advisory may continue until Wednesday, April 20.

The Student Affairs staff and AVI Foodsystems have obtained bottled water, which is available for students at Peirce Hall and the Gund Commons Game Room. AVI and the Kenyon Inn are taking all necessary precautions regarding food preparation.

UPDATE [8:40 AM, 4/20]: Gambier community members are alerted via text alerts and phone calls that the boil advisory has officially been lifted.