What’s Really Happening Behind the Fence

They told us that the construction behind the fence (in between Pierce and Olin) is to set up study spaces for when they tear down the library. But remember that time when the government said there was no such thing as Area 51? Exactly. So, what is really going on behind the fence? Here are the most likely theories:

1. Meth lab. Apparently the stuff is very addictive. This school is in rural Ohio afterall. Think about it.

2. Private residences for Decatur. It’s common knowledge that President Decatur feels that his current home isn’t close enough to the action on campus. Yes, he can see middle path from his bedroom window, but he can’t really see it from that far away.

3. Plot twist: the bookstore is secretly the new library and those trailers are going to become our new bookstore. Why else would this new “bookstore” have so many tables where people can study? Why else would it have so many books?

4. The trailers have no real function, they are just an attempt at changing the Kenyon aesthetic. People are tired of old Gothic collegiate architecture and stunning tree lined walkways and luscious plots of grass. Trailers are the one and only addition to this campus that will draw perspective students. Trailers and no library. If that won’t increase the number of applicants this year, nothing else will.

5. This is just part of a nationwide social experiment examining how wealthy, privileged millennials react when they are slightly inconvenienced.

6. It’s one of those “The Emperor’s New Clothes” illusions where there actually aren’t any trailers at all but none want to be the person that doesn’t see them so the lie is perpetuated.

We Tried to Draw Maps of Kenyon from Memory and This is What Happened

We Tried to Draw Maps of Kenyon from Memory and This is What Happened

The Kenyon College campus: what a beauty (shhh ignore the construction everywhere). We walk its paths everyday. We circumvent its seal in Peirce each meal. We marvel at the Twilight zone atmosphere of the temporary bookstore/old market each dawn and dust. And yes, we spend the majority of our time on the hill, but how well do we really know its lay out? How accurately can we map the campus from Bexley to Old K? Or actually, from Snowden to the Tafts? This is what happened when we tested our spacial knowledge… Continue reading

It Happened to Me: I Broke the Bookstore Window and The Thrill Staff Made Me Write About It

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A guest post by Ethan Fuirst–senior, libra, window breaker

There’s a table in the bookstore that I’ve been particularly fond of for a few years now. It’s a little round ditty for two next to the window. It’s a perfect location– isolated enough to share private sagas of heartbreak and friendship, but it is also snug up against the window so passersby can see how many friends I have. At that very table, I’ve had some of the best conversations of the past few years.  More importantly, I’ve heard (and spilled) really juicy gossip at that table (using a volume just quiet enough so that the bookstore customers can’t hear what I’m saying, but just loud enough so that they know they’re missing something good). One could say I became a man at that table. At the very least, I’ve eaten thousands of over-priced chocolate-covered almonds there.

Like many other weekday nights throughout my college career, I was sitting at that Very Special Table on a Monday in February. The windows were painted with cute scenes of innocent kittens playing with balls of yarn. My friend Andrew Perelman (whose name I use in full so that if any future employers google him, they know about his involvement) walked by on the sidewalk outside and saw me at the table. He came up to the window and waved.

It should be noted that I startle easily.

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10 o’clock list: Most Sensual Bookstore Chocolates

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the gift of a lifetime

Valentine’s Day may be over and done with, but romance is still alive and kicking at Kenyon’s very own bookstore. While the array of chocolate draws acclaim from students and faculty alike for its variety in flavor (and cost), the candy section is most well-known for one thing:  sex appeal. The turns of phrase employed on many chocolate bar wrappers are enough to make any self-respecting collegiate go weak at the knees. If you’re looking to be seduced by 1.55 oz of sugar and cocoa bean, read on to discover The Thrill’s rundown on the sexist bars of  sugary nonsense ever found in this neck of the woods.

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Battle Royale: Coffee on the Hill

Dec. 7, 2013, Atlantic City,New Jersey --- Saturday, at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, NJ. --- Photo Credit : Chris Farina - Top Rank (no other credit allowed) copyright 2013

Who will win????

Ok picture this. It’s a weekday morning, and you’re trying to decide where to get the sweet sweet life-water other people refer to as coffee. You think to yourself–Wiggin? Bookstore? Peirce? Deli? You’ll hear tons of contradictory opinions from friends and enemies alike. The truth is brand loyalty and the debilitating addiction to caffeine doesn’t mix. With an array of options available to the average Kenyon student, I’m here to take these claims to the test. I conducted a blind taste test of the various coffee sources all over campus, desperate to find the truth.

Bookstore

“Tastes the least like anything”

“WATER”

“Bland, watery, gentle”

“The caress of a familiar friend”

“Terrible water”

“Lame”

“Almost tastes like tea” (not necessarily a good thing)

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A Day in the Life: Jim Huang, Bookstore Manager

In this feature, The Thrill will showcase a typical day of a member of the Kenyon Community: student, faculty, or staff. If you have nominations for people to be showcased, please share them in the comments or email us at thekenyonthrill@gmail.com.

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The Bookstore. It’s a part of our campus that we accept as our provider of textbooks, snack needs, and even the occasional Shakespearean finger puppet. But how do these finger puppets and other treasures get to our town of Gambier? Meet Jim Huang, Bookstore Manager. It’s through him that all these things we take for granted on campus happen, such as online textbook ordering, events, and bringing all the best new books to Gambier. If you want to learn how the magic happens, read on as Jim takes us through his day!

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Getting Freaky, Volume XI: Let’s Get Literary

via fitocracy.com

via fitocracy.com

Whether you’ve just begun your journey into freakitude or you began it long ago, The Thrill is here to help you improve your safe, consensual sexy sex times by answering your most burning questions. Have a question about x-rated materials? Send us an e-mail at thekenyonthrill@gmail.com with the subject line Sex Q and we’ll answer it in our next edition. Feeling embarrassed? Not to worry– we’ve set up a Gmail account to allow for anonymous questions. The username is “gettingfreakythrill” and the password is “thethrill”. Log in and shoot us an email, and your question may be featured on the blog!

The semester’s picking up, and pleasure reading is a luxury on par with taking a private jet to a vineyard in the south of France. The cold season calls for fewer carefree evenings spent reading Gone Girl and sipping white wine; rather, we’re expected to read more and more Beowulf while softly sobbing into a cold tray of microwavable mac and cheese. What’s a kid to do, right?

If you’re looking for a teeny tiny literary pick-me-up that won’t eat up the hours you’re forced to devote to big boy college work, have no fear! Our very own Kenyon bookstore carries many, many titles pertinent to the two special topics we students love to hate: sex and relationships. Through seriously limited internet research (you think I read these things? I forgot to eat today), I’ve attempted to capture the essence of each of these books with my brilliant wit. Kick back and enjoy!

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