2020 Commencement Speaker Announced (For Real This Time)

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The day has finally come. No more wishing for Janney, hankering for Hank, or manifesting the pure rock ‘n’ roll power of Beto O’Rourke. Well, we might continue with that last one. But for now, we must rest. As of this morning, the word is out that the real, no joke Commencement Speaker for the Class of 2020 is Samie Kim Falvey ’96.

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BREAKING: Wendy MacLeod Withdraws “The Good Samaritan”

Today at 5:17 p.m. in an email sent to students and faculty,  Professor of Drama and Playwright-in-Residence Wendy MacLeod announced that she will be withdrawing her play “The Good Samaritan” and cancelling the spring show in the Bolton. The Common Hour discussion of the play and related issues will still take place, but MacLeod will not be in attendance. Continue reading

“Boil Alert: Reloaded” is Here, and It’s Just as Bad as the Sequel to “The Matrix”

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Get that kettle a-steamin’, party people! In an email sent via Student Info, Barbara Catt stated the following:

A main water line has broken on Brooklyn street.  The Village Administrator has had the water shut off and the water company is on scene.  Gambier & Kenyon will be under a boil alert once the line is repaired.

Campus Safety currently hasn’t any further details.  We will relay updates as they are received.
Whether you’re rearing to brush your pure, sweet little teeth or hydrate after a sweaty night yelling trivia answers at the VI, make sure to only ingest bottled or boiled water. We wouldn’t want what happened the last time we had a boil alert to happen again, now would we?*
*Nothing happened.

BREAKING: Internet Crashes, Ruins Everyone’s Day

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It’s official, folks – the Internet is dead. According to texts sent out by the Kenyon College Alert System earlier today, Time Warner is experiencing outages in the greater Gambier area. No time estimate for repair is currently available. We here at The Thrill will try our best to keep you updated to the extent that we can, so connect connect your smartphone to that sweet, sweet LTE data and stay tuned.

UPDATE: 1:13 PM – Time Warner has disclosed that the outage was caused by a cut cable. No estimated time for repair was disclosed. Observed campus attitude: Indifference mixed with a hint of genuine resolve.

UPDATE: 2:29 PM – The Internet is estimated to be back up and running at 4:30 PM. Will students find it within themselves to complete their homework once it returns? Only time will tell.

BREAKING: President Decatur Addresses Cove Shutdown

In an email sent  to the student body earlier this morning, President Sean Decatur answered  questions about the shut down of the Gambier Grill, colloquially known as the Cove. President Decatur claims that an agreement between the college and Andy Durbin (the owner of the Cove) has been in the works for quite some time, as Durbin made it clear he no longer wanted to run the restaurant. The college offered several “financial incentives” to Durbin in order to keep the Cove open until the end of the school year; however, Durbin rejected these offers and announced this weekend that the Cove’s doors were closing.

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