Ode to the Man I Saw Swallow a Cigarette on Middle Path

Image result for diagram of the throat

where the cigarette went, probably

Tyler Raso

Professor Severus Snape

Magic, Mayhem, and Making Amends (but Not, Like, Urgently)

22 February 2019


In this paper I will argue that I saw a man (stature of a fully grown corn stalk, backwards baseball cap, not really in a rush, alone) swallow an entire (100% of a) cigarette (lit). The day was Thursday (February 7th), and the time, lunch. I was walking southward on Middle Path, and the subject north. Point of contact: Ransom Hall. The weather was frog degrees and sticky tack was precipitating (lightly) from the sky. This was normal because it was an Ohio winter. I don’t have a thesis because this piece is more, like, exploratory. “Can the human experience truly be captured in language, the construction site of the psyche” (CITE). Someone at the Writing Center told me this paper was “full of, uhm, ideas” and then offered me a complementary candy (but they were out of dark chocolate Hershey Kisses). Because the straw prose of analytical writing couldn’t contain all my feelings, observations, ideologies, methodologies, insecurities, fondness for sea otters, suspicions, jazz music, sobriety, or overdue library books, I’ve decided to continue my paper in poetic form instead.

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The Kenyon Girl

kenyon cool girl

Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a Kenyon girl. Being the Kenyon Girl means I am a brunette, bespectacled, coastal elite who adores Peeps parties, Pinegrove, the Collegiate, and American Spirit cigarettes, who reads David Foster Wallace, drinks Natty Lights, is friends with all of the Fools but not in the Fools, loves to hookup before ignoring each other on Middle Path, and jams Peirce grilled cheeses and VI spinach and artichoke dip into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest Peircegiving while somehow fitting into the same cuffed jeans, because Kenyon Girls are above all hot. Hot and quirky. Kenyon Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Kenyon Girl.

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BREAKING: Jon Hamm is Coming to Kenyon and Your Mom is Really Excited About This One


picture this,,,,,,but on Middle Path

You heard me. Here’s what we know:

  • Jon Hamm
  • Mad Men is good
  • DATE: Thursday, February 23rd, 2017 
  • TIME: 8:00pm-10:00pm
  • LOCATION: Rosse Hall 
  • I think about his episode of Black Mirror once a day.
  • LOCATION: Kenyon. College. 
  • Remember when Lena Dunham ALMOST came to Kenyon
  • Me too
  • Admission is Free!! Seating is Limited!!
  • Jon Hamm is an objectively beautiful man.
  • WHAT: Dramatic reading of scenes from Stephen Belber’s play TAPE
  • What are the odds Jon Hamm smokes a cigarette with me outside the library?
  • WHY “TAPE is an innovative theater project that presents dramatic readings of Stephen Belber’s play TAPE on college and university campuses as a catalyst for powerful guided discussions about consent, power dynamics, and sexual assault. These performances and the lively, interactive discussions that follow them are designed to evoke empathy, understanding, and discomfort, challenging individuals and communities to examine their own core values and pursue positive action.” 
  • Jon Hamm will be wearing an actor scarf.

Bumming A Cigarettiquette

via moneymucker.blogspot.com

via moneymucker.blogspot.com

This post was written with the help of John Foley ’15, Izzy Johnson ’15, and Alisa Rethy ’15. 

Every once in a while, you may be standing around at a party, and you get a hankering for a cig.  And when that time comes, there are behaviors that are tolerable and there are behaviors that are not. Be careful out there.  Continue reading