So you learn quite a few things about people when you start working at a coffee shop (yes, I work at Wiggin Street—you can refer to me as your hero, your queen, your goddess of caffeine–and hey, feel free to throw some appreciation in the tip jar–mac and cheese wedges ain’t cheap). One of the first lessons you learn on the job is that you can tell a lot about someone based on what they order for their early morning pick-me-up. And when you work on a college campus? It’s not hard to start seeing patterns across certain groups. Specifically—the ways people’s majors affect their coffee choices. In case you’ve ever been curious while eyeing up a hottie at Wiggle Ground, here’s a little cheat sheet I’ve prepared to help you pick out people’s majors based on their coffee orders. It should give you some idea of what to chat about while you’re both at the counter putting raw sugar in your drinks.
1. English: Black coffee. I’ve got your number, kid—you want coffee as black as the human condition, don’t you? You want to be reminded of Conrad’s Heart of Darkness during the bleak hours of the early morning, when you’re staring into your cup hoping it might hold the mysteries of the universe. Or maybe you like black coffee because it reminds you of your ideal writing style—no frills, no fuss, straight to the point, but also like, refined, y’know? Whatever the reason is, it’s probably loaded with religious symbolism. I mean, what isn’t?