Cursed Things I Saw Over Break


During my stay at Kenyon over fall break, I saw… things. Terrifying things. Unimaginable things. Barely describable horrors, plaguing the campus, crawling to the surface once most of the College’s affluent students were tucked away safely in their New York City beds. Dare you peek into this Pandora’s Box of Kenyon horrors? You have been warned… what you see might SHOCK you… join me, as I reveal some of the cursed events I witnessed over break.

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Things to Look Forward to in the Winter

Sean Decatur desperately clutches on to his only source of warmth (via

Yeah, I get it – it was 50 degrees over the weekend and there hasn’t been snow on the ground for over a week. Whatever, dude. It’s still winter. Need I remind you of the doom and gloom that is the entirety of February? Nestled in between the excitement of the new semester and the freedom that comes with spring break, these next four weeks will likely be nothing short of a cloudy, monotonous mess. Devoid of anything worth doing, it might be hard to find a reason to roll out of bed in the morning. Luckily, I’ve got you covered. Here are some things to look forward to.

  • The cold embrace of death. The month will draw on for what seems like forever. In reality, it’s just your third hour on third floor Olin. What does the sun look like? Will winter ever end? We have no way of knowing – the only thing we know, the only absolute truth, is that someday our lives will end.

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10 o’clock list: How to Get out of Bed When it’s Cold Out

Alright, alright, we get it. It’s cold out. It’s January. The temperature is dropping, it’s the year of the monkey, and mercury is still in retrograde. Lot of things going on right now. And to make it worse, you have to muster up the courage to get yourself out of bed and join the rest of society every weekend. But have no fear, I’m here, and I have ways for you to get off your booty and brave the cold.

1. Tell your blankets how much you love them. It’s like kissing your parents before getting on a plane. You’ll feel a lot less guilty drinking Keystone in Old K knowing that your bed is happily waiting for your return.  Continue reading



Boots—boots—boots—boots—movin’ up and down again!

From Boots by Rudyard Kipling

Kenyon students are definitely boot wearers (though we aren’t imperialists like Mr. Kipling). The snow, the mud, and our coolness factor all necessitate the use of boots. But in the wintertime we fall into two camps: those who wear snow boots and those who wear regular, uninsulated, boots.

Coming from a cold climate, I am perfectly fine in my uninsulated L.L. Bean boots, and I am not alone. Despite the recent cold snap, I have still seen far more pairs of uninsulated boots on the feet of Kenyon students. I have a few theories as to why this might be. Continue reading

Kenyon is Running Shuttles So You Don’t Get Frostbite

Starting tonight, the College is running shuttles to help people avoid the mind-numbing cold that has descended on our fair hamlet. Here are the stops:

The shuttle service will include Kenyon’s 12-passenger vans and
minivans as well as Knox Area Transit vehicles. Vans will operate from
5-8 p.m., boarding at the Craft Center barn, Gund Hall parking lot,
KAC front circle, McBride Hall circle, and the Caples/Mather halls
circle and delivering riders to Peirce Hall. Students leaving Peirce
can request North Campus destinations.

The shuttle schedule is here. Also, the library will close early tonight and the KAC will open late tomorrow. Kenyon’s full release is below, after the jump.

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