The Kenyon Girl

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Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a Kenyon girl. Being the Kenyon Girl means I am a brunette, bespectacled, coastal elite who adores Peeps parties, Pinegrove, the Collegiate, and American Spirit cigarettes, who reads David Foster Wallace, drinks Natty Lights, is friends with all of the Fools but not in the Fools, loves to hookup before ignoring each other on Middle Path, and jams Peirce grilled cheeses and VI spinach and artichoke dip into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest Peircegiving while somehow fitting into the same cuffed jeans, because Kenyon Girls are above all hot. Hot and quirky. Kenyon Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Kenyon Girl.

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10 o’clock list: How to Prove You did the Reading Without Looking Like a Normie

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Ah, the delicious thrill of class participation. You raise your hand, tentatively at first, before fully solidifying your thought and thrusting your hand into the air. But how will you distinguish yourself from every other well-prepared student in the class? You can’t just comment on the author’s intentions or ask a question about figures mentioned in a study, no, you must do something that catches the attention of your professor and makes them think, “Wow, this kid knows their stuff,” and not, “Why is this school full of fucking normies…God, I wish I was teaching at Oberlin.”

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10 o’clock list: Best Holes on Campus

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As someone who chose Kenyon partly for its aesthetic appeal, this past year has not been great for me. So far I’ve witnessed the execution of Olin, the takeover of the mods, and the annual transition of Middle Path from a scenic walkway to a mile-long puddle. At least there has been one group of constants in my life: Kenyon’s holes. Wide or narrow, deep or shallow, these holes never fail to catch my attention and make me think, “This will do.”

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Places on Campus Where I’ve Cut Some Hair & Pierced Some Ears

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As college visit season comes to a peak, one of the most common questions asked by over-confident prospies is: “Why did you choose Kenyon?” It’s a hard question to answer, as the reasons why students choose Kenyon College are as varied as they are numerous. Some fall in love with our stunning campus, others long to join our diverse population, and I guess a few want a good education, or whatever. Me? I came for what Kenyon is known best for. We’ve been on lists! We’ve won awards! I enrolled to become the newest, and first, cosmetology major at Kenyon College and, boy, have I been cutting some hair.

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Peirce Hacks: Face Masks

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It’s October! The leaves are changing, you’re realizing that you shouldn’t have skipped that week of Modern Quest readings, and your once-perfect skin is beginning its annual shedding. With the cold weather comes dry skin and, boy, this year it’s looking rough. Your Glossier moisturizer has dried up and your $30 Organic Spirulina Gluten-Free Foaming Face Mask has grown spots of its own, so what can you do? This wouldn’t be a problem if you had access to a Lush or even the Target skin care aisle, but the closest thing in Gambier is the Burt’s Bees section in the Bookstore and, let’s be honest, your frequent VI trips have left you with a measly $3.44 on your K-Card. I guess you’ll just have to eat away your sorrows in… That’s it! Peirce! It’s time to game the system and make your meal plan work for you and your face.

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Did You Miss Us? ;)

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Did Pete Davidson really come to Kenyon or was that a communal fever dream?

Hello and welcome back, my liberal arts gremlins! We know you missed us and our goblins, goofs, and gags… what’s that? You weren’t here for those bits? Well for the first years, abroad students, and people who just zoned out for the spring semester, here is some of the juiciest Thrill content you missed out on.

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