What if We Kissed In the COVID Testing Pods?

Yeah, there’s really no way to ease into this. With Covid, and masks, and trying your darndest NOT to spread germs, it’s gotten difficult (neigh, impossible) to do the smoochy smooch with another person. One could say that a lot of people on campus at this very moment are touch starved. Do not fret! I have the perfect solution to our collective struggle: the Covid testing pods.

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This Week in Dungeons and Decat: The Dread Queen Gwyneth Paltrow, The Dragon of Beecher Hill Executive Firm, and a Medievo-Marxist Peasant Revolt

Once a week, in the glimmering light of candles crafted from residual pierce-grease, the mightiest and most mystical of Kenyon faculty gather in the bell tower of the Church of the Holy Spirit (who else didn’t know it was called that) for what is bureaucratically referred to as “staff meetings.” They sit, stand, and kneel, becloaked and smoking really long pipes and sipping mulled wine. Before them, levitating an eighteenth of an inch off his gold-tasseled cushion, with his feline avatar Moxie seated serenely behind the all-knowing campaign screen, the most esteemed Dungeon Master in all of central Ohio with a degree in biophysical chemistry—Sean Decatur.

This is your weekly Dungeons and Decat update.

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10 O’Clock List: Hotties Who Are Vaccinated

Ah yes, The United States of America’s vaccine rollout. It is at best disorganized and at worst a crisis that reveals the true colors of our deeply flawed healthcare system. But not to worry, because despite the hiccups, it seems that the sexiest among us have been prioritized. We can all rest assured that hot people will have immunity. Here’s to protecting them and our ability to stare at their conventional attractiveness without fear of COVID-19.

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Welcome Back! We’re still in charge

(*private island all tested negative multiple times wear a mask <3)

Hello, dear Thrill readers. It is your editor in chiefs, Reilly and Ellie. You might have noticed that we haven’t vacated this office as is traditional, and we noticed that too. We are in fact here to stay, here to play, here to have some fun in the sun from our New Apt and our “large property full of deers” (Ellie’s description of her home). We hope you’re setting into your first week nicely and enjoyed the meatloaf for dinner tonight (whether your mom made it or you had it from Peirce).

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