Cursed Things I Saw Over Break


During my stay at Kenyon over fall break, I saw… things. Terrifying things. Unimaginable things. Barely describable horrors, plaguing the campus, crawling to the surface once most of the College’s affluent students were tucked away safely in their New York City beds. Dare you peek into this Pandora’s Box of Kenyon horrors? You have been warned… what you see might SHOCK you… join me, as I reveal some of the cursed events I witnessed over break.

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The Dumbest Thing I Ever Did: Eighth Grade Graduation


Hipper than a pelvis

Let’s set the scene, shall we? June, 2010. A suburban high school auditorium. Middle school graduation. I was in all my pubescent glory, resplendent in a floral J.C. Penney dress and matching beige flats. Food-shaped earrings dangled from my inflamed earlobes and the braces encasing my teeth were sparkling brighter than diamonds. In short, I was in my prime.

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