The Most Eligible Crow Bachelors of Kenyon College

The Most Eligible Crow Bachelors of Kenyon College

Matchmaker, matchmaker, match me a catch! Match me a match, find me a catch! That’s right, folks. It’s our first semester back at Kenyon and love is in the air. I know that things can really suck for all you gorgeous single pringles out there, but don’t worry! I have a solution to your temporary bout of solitude! Today I am proud to present you with the most eligible crow bachelors of Kenyon College! These lovebirds are casting their beady little eyes on the student populace, searching for someone to call their own. Perhaps your other half has been right under your nose this entire time (or above– birds go up in the sky). Are you ready to meet these fabulous feathered fiends? Then let’s get started!

(Portraits drawn by that pigeon who snuck into Gund Gallery that one time)

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How to Respond to Tinder Messages: A Few Methods

In our fast paced modern world, it seems like everything has gone to the cyber realm, even dating. There are a lot of hip apps out there to find you your special someone, but without a doubt Tinder is one of the heavy hitters. A hopeless romantic, I found myself drawn to its addictively easy to navigate interface, navigating between faces for hours on end. When it came to the messaging part, however, I found that I had a lot to learn. Here are a couple of methods I employed during my first foray into the world of Tinder, at the beginning of summer break.

Method #1: Be direct.

Direct approach in action

Direct approach in action

This match and I chose the same approach, and while I would rate this approach as positive, in that it was efficient and unambiguous, I would also say it was kind of a negative, as it did not result in a further romance. Overall neutral, I suppose. Continue reading

How to Lose a Kenyon Guy in 10 Days

how to lose a kenyon guy in 10 days FINAL

Having some trouble with the dating scene? Can’t seem to buckle down that dapper chap you’ve been chasing after? Fear not. The Thrill has been conducting research*. Here are some tried and true ways to terrify a boy in only ten days (if it takes that long).

Day 1. Find Him. Under a rock. Behind Mather. In a gender neutral bathroom. In your bed. Whatever. Just find him. Then, stalk him like a shelf.

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Hafternoon Delight: Goodbye Sex Blogging, Hello Monogamy

So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye. Yes, dear Kenyon, my time as your resident sex columnist is coming (no pun intended) to an end. What you’re reading right now is my last regular post. This sad but timely departure is occurring partly because someone wants to take over for me (!!!) and partly because I’m boring now and mostly only make out with one person (holler, Slampiece).

While Slampiece turned me from a wild child into a committed wild child, our relationship has spawned some positive events. For example, she inspired the opening line of this piece! Because I was a such a good girl all of first semester, Slampiece penned me a jokey Maria/Liesel Sound of Music femme slash fanfiction for my Hanukkah present. It’s saved in a shareable Google doc, if you’re interested. My mother’s review: “Slampiece writes very good smut.” The critics are raving!

Practical advice on and stories about navigating the boundaries of a committed, monogamous relationship after the jump.

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Hafternoon Delight: The Necessity of the Turkey Drop

If your relationship from home seems as bland as this turkey looks, it may be time to make a change. (Wikimedia Commons)

Last year, before Thanksgiving break, an upperclass student explained to me that first years aren’t fair game until after the federal holiday celebrating mass genocide and racism. He squeezed my hand and sighed that first years are too new to college, too new to living alone and too new to hookups in an environment as weirdly claustrophobic (er, intimate… it’s time to go home) as Kenyon. Then he made out with me, but whatever. Interesting concept, right? With one whole year of hindsight, I feel confident in giving advice about issues surrounding the first Thanksgiving home. So snuggle in, first years and nostalgic upperclass students alike. Let’s talk about the phenomenon known as the “Turkey Drop.” Continue reading