10 o’clock list: 5 Easter Basket Items to Expect after Shock Your Mom

EasterBunnyHunkBelieve

If I didn’t before, I certainly do now. (via photobucket)

This weekend, it was a battle of good and evil, naughty versus nice, angel against devil. As the holiest weekend of the year clashes against the most sinful party Kenyon has to offer. No matter how sincerely you promised your Gangie a week ago to attend early morning Easter mass, you pretty much kissed that idea goodbye last night by 11:30.

However, time does march on, and as much as you’d like to have a time out (or maybe a re-do), Sunday always arrives whether we like it or not. Hopefully, you remembered before the festivities began to leave your basket outside for the Easter Bunny to come and work some of his chocolately magic. But be warned: to make a truly beautiful omlette, you’re gonna have to crack a few eggs. And considering the events of last night, you may find some other goodies in there besides eggshells, let alone anything individually wrapped with a candy-coated shell. These “goodies” are included but not limited to:

1. A pair of shoes What can ya do?? The song was just too dope and those heels were just too high. It’s not a surprise to find that a few slingbacks had been slung carelessly into your basket, because, when it’s all said and done, that beer-soaked folding table isn’t gonna dance on itself.

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Easter Basket Munchies

Spare me. (via huffingtonpost.com)

Spare me. (via huffingtonpost.com)

It’s Easter! Yay! Here’s what I wanted in my Easter Basket…

  • A whole pizza with extra pepperoni
  • Two-liter bottle of Sierra Mist
  • Whoppers Robin’s Eggs things
  • Some Peeps (not those Peeps, these Peeps)
  • Another two-liter bottle of Sierra Mist
  • Did I say pizza?
  • A Cove gift card (which I will probably spend on chicken tenders and cheese fries)
  • Maybe a lasagna

Easter Egg Hunt: Beer Can Edition

keystone head pic

Basket lovingly “borrowed” from the Kenyon Collegian office. Keystone courtesy of some drunk idiot.

If you celebrated Easter as a kid, you probably have fond memories of joyfully scouring your backyard for bright pastel eggs. Easter morning at Kenyon is just like that, except instead of eggs hidden with love by Mom, your prize is a bunch of half-empty beers flung around campus by dummies who were too busy celebrating Newman Day to find a trash can. Don’t get jaded, though — incorporate a cheery Easter basket and a can-do spirit, and hunting down dented cans will feel exactly like the good old Easters of yore.

Read on for a special Easter treat, brought to you by gratuitous littering and Keystone Light (“Keyster Egg Hunt?” LOL, puns.)

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10 o’clock List: 5 Things To Do This Spring

Fabio knows what's up

Fabio knows what’s up.

You may think it’s a sure sign of the dead of winter when you can spot the Nuge by her purple Uggs — but don’t fear! Spring is on its way, and you won’t want to miss out on what’s hip-hop happenin’ on the Hill. Here’s a list of ideas to cure your cabin fever…

1)    Big Pimpin’: Barbie-Car Edition. What could possibly be more fun than ridin’ dirty to your 9:10 in this little pink sex-wagon? Legs, bikes, Segways—too much work with too little swag. After class, just roll right into the Caples elevator and back to the penthouse. Come on Kenyon, life in plastic, it’s fantastic! Continue reading

Buy Discount Easter Candy Now!

Good morning. Did you know that Easter candy is half off at Walmart? It’s probably the same deal at CVS! Looking to buy local? The bookstore will sell you Cadbury Creme Eggs at a weirdly specific felt tipped marker noted discount price.

Anyway, I got a bag of those little Whoppers Robin Eggs for $1.44 and I’m extremely pleased about it.

Share your favorite Easter candies in the comments.