New and Improved Roommate Pairing Questionnaire

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credit: Apple, their Apple Pencil (2nd Generation), a pencil, made of ghosts (probably), this is how they actually marketed it

 

Dear The Office of Residential Life,

It has been several years since my last confession. Though I work for you, I feel as if I could do more to work with you. I am a simple person with simple skills. I can ask politely for things I am paying for. I can put an unlimited amount of raw Sriracha in my tiny, tiny mouth. I can peel an orange in one seamless ribbon but usually I can’t. This is my effort to bring my passion for putting people into broad categories (ie. astrology, MBTI, sorting-hat) to you, The Office formally known as Residential Life. Below are what I believe to be some questions which which truly bring insight to the Roommate Pairing Process. You can reach me at wordpress.com, or at your local Post Office.

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It Happened To Me: I Was The Only One to Sign Up for Fabric Painting

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via Pinterest.com

I don’t ask for much. I live a humble, virtuous life, as any Kenyon student should. I don’t put silverware on the dirty-dish conveyer belt, and I replenish my roommates’ Synder’s of Hanover brand Honey Mustard and Onion Pretzel Pieces supply after routine fits of rage-fueled snacking. I am a woman of god. But, in spite of it all, I was the sole person to sign up for the craft center’s fabric painting class, so it got cancelled.  Continue reading

Squash Club Emails Lead to Mass Chaos, Zero Chill

via YikYak

via YikYak

Now that AllStu has fallen out of fashion, email battles are rare at best; the all-out Internet wars of years past have become nothing more than faded memories stored in the recesses of the class of 2016’s collective consciousness. Since the great crisis of 2013, the word “unsubscribe” has lost its luster, and nowadays, the name “Kenny Fedorko” barely rings a bell. We lived, we learned, and we moved on. Or so we thought. Continue reading

Kenyon Doppelgangers: EMAIL EDITION

Is this email for Lauren Michael or Lauren Michael? Or maybe it’s for Madeline Thompson…but which one? The world may never know.

So you’ve all seen our Kenyon Doppelgangers with students on campus who LOOK alike, but what about people who have literally the same exact name. Weirdly enough on our teeny tiny campus, we have TWO sets of people with the same name, Madeleine (’15)/Madi (’16) Thompson, and Lauren Elizabeth/Elisabeth Michael (both ’17).

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Blog Off: Barden ’15 vs. Delbridge ’16

It's never ogre with the CDO.

It’s never ogre with the CDO.

We like to stay pretty competitive here at The Thrill, and a Blog Off is one way we can definitively prove that one of us is objectively a better blogger (dare we say, a better person).  So we leave it to you, the reader, to decide in a blind taste test who is really better as we square off on various topics.

This week, Matt Delbridge ’16 and Joe Barden ’15 tackle a much contended topic: the personal sounding emails from the CDO. A little creepy? Maybe. Pleasant, life affirming and effective? Most definitely. Which side will prevail? Only you can decide.  Continue reading

The Never-Ending Quest for Email Relevance

2008_07_14 dog email

TOO MANY EMAILS.

So All-Stu sends out a lot of emails. I mean a lot. My inbox is so full I’m pretty sure I could launch the digital equivalent of an archeological expedition and still only make through to January before I died of exhaustion (or , you know got bored. Whichever comes first.) Some of them contain valuable information or upcoming events I’d like to go to. But not many. In order to get an idea of how often to pay attention to All-Stu emails, here is a random smattering some of recent emails  and their appropriately ranked relevance:

Re: Moodle Planned Outage for 3:00 A.M. Tuesday

  • I hopefully will never, ever have a reason to be on Moodle at 3 in the morning. If I am, it’s for one of two reasons: I have a paper overdue and 3 AM is the soonest I can get it in, or I left myself logged in at the library. Either way, it’s not going to end well.

Relevance: 1/5

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Time For A New Peirce Clock?

We get a lot of intriguing email over at the Thrill account (Ask us your sex questions! Send us your childhood journals! thekenyonthrill@gmail.com! Shameless plug!), but the other day we received a message so good we just had to share it with our readers.

It seems our investigation of the tiny clock in Upper Dempsey has landed us on some sort of Internet spam list for avid timepiece enthusiasts who prefer to make their major clock purchases online from Zhangzhou City, Fujian, China. Check out the exciting offer below —

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