Sorting Famous Literary Figures into Kenyon Frats

hemingway the dke

Kenyon is a literary as shit school and we love that here. Kenyon loves books, and the people who did books. Authors, you know? And poets and such. And there’s got to be a way to categorize all of these bad boys, and since no one really wants to think about, say, which Romantics match up with which First Year dorms (Coleridge would live in Gund, don’t @ me) we’re going to do frats, so buckle in.

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Kenyon English Department announces big changes for Senior comps

Kenyon English Department announces big changes for Senior comps

That’s right, the rumors are true! As unconfirmed by English Department Chair Professor Sarah Heidt, the Kenyon English program is doing away with the notorious senior exam and replacing it with a different, more comprehensive test of arbitrary knowledge.

In an effort to cater towards the diverse learning styles and academic skills of the class of ’19 and all future classes to come, the department will now offer a variety of different project options for the senior capstone such as:

  1. Consuming the canon: an eating contest where the first three students to literally eat all of Milton’s Paradise Lost graduate with high honors. All finishers graduate with a degree.
  2. Advanced Texting like an English Major: Can you spell “iridocyclitis”? This capstone project is all about whether you can pass the Scripps Fifth Grade spelling bee list. Start brushing up on those pesky three-syllable long words today!
  3. Senior Honors with Piers Brown: In this traditional senior seminar, everything in the curriculum is the same as pre-Kenyon2020 plan English department except you write all your assignments and examinations in crayon. Hot tip: word on the street is that Piers Brown’s favorite color for students to use is “Beaver Musk.”
  4. Contemporary popular media: it’s just a close reading of that John Green/Josh Radnor fanfiction piece that went around earlier this year.
  5. Independent Study: Two words: solitary confinement. The most mysterious of all the options, those who pursue this track are locked up in their own room in Bexley Hall to do god knows what. It’s assumed you graduate with a degree even though no one ever sees your sorry soul ever again.

Students intending on graduating with a creative writing emphasis will also see their track undergoing major changes.

“We’ve decided that the creative writing capstone project should be limited to the genre of anime fanfiction,” said Sarah Heidt never. “We are trying to produce the next John Green here after all.”

The class of ’19 reacted favorably to the news.

“Elise, this is clickbait,” said Chris Raffa ’19 in regards to the not-announced English Department changes

This is a developing story.

What is Really Going on in the 100-level English Courses?

kanye-quotes-books

At Kenyon we love English. We love planning to major in English and then not. We love the vague career path English leads us down when we do major in it. We love the English language that is our mother tongue.

And although we love how much we love English, the intensity of this love can sometimes distract us from what is really going go in the English department. So to clarify what each 100-level English course truly entails read on. Continue reading

Meet Kenyon’s Newest Author, Rioghnach Robinson ’16

(via Facebook)

(via Facebook)

Has your tiny, collegiate body ever ingestsed a beautiful novel and thought, “Wow, this is all I want to create and more! The plot twists, the unexpected heroism, the heartwarming message – every part of this book-reading experience is glorious, and I would love to replicate it with words of my own!” These may or may not have been the thoughts of soon-to-be-published YA author Rioghnach Robinson ’16, whose book Seven Ways We Lie (published under the pseudonym “Riley Redgate”) hits shelves March 8th. We asked Robinson a few questions regarding her book and her writing process. Aspiring novelists, take note!

The Kenyon Thrill: Can you give us a brief summary of your book?
Robinson: Yes! Narrated from the perspective of seven high school juniors, one for each of the seven deadly sins, Seven Ways We Lie explores how the ripple effect from a teacher-student relationship forces each of the seven to confront their central flaw.

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10 o’clock list: Things Never to Say to an English Major

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I like big books and I cannot lie HA HA HA English major inside joke no one else understands!!!!11!!!

Maybe you’re an English major. Maybe you aren’t. Maybe you only speak a rare dialect of Esperanto. But like it or not, Kenyon is a thriving rat’s nest of English majors, many of whom are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. We can all get a little sensitive about our intended degrees, be they in the Natural Sciences, the Social Sciences, the Humanities, the Fine Arts, the Seriously I’m Fine Arts, the Please Leave Me Alone Arts, or the Kevin, Your Puny Mind Could Never Begin to Comprehend the Deep Abyss of Human Woe that is Me, You Illiterate Buffoon Arts. As an English major I know firsthand the tediousness of having to field numerous questions about my area of interest. The following are things to NEVER say to an English major EVER.

1) Why are your fingernails five feet long? Uh, maybe because of luminary author Kurt Vonnegut? Slaughterhouse Five? Like, learn a book.

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Kenyon Pets: Heppy the Pug

heppy

Look at this furry loaf of bread!

Heppy is a fairly new face on campus, belonging to Professor Schoenfeld of the English Department. He can be occasionally found scampering around in Lentz House during office hours, wagging his tail and gnawing on miscellaneous bone-like objects. Check out Heppy’s exclusive interview after the jump!

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