Family weekend. Always *such* a treat here at Clown College: College for Clowns. This campus truly transforms with the influx of capital-A-Adults. The traffic patterns in Peirce somehow manage to get worse. You can’t get Wiggins. You can’t get a parking spot. You can’t get into Ascension without weaving around middle aged women marveling at the architecture. You can’t get a seat at an acapella concert (?!?!). You can’t even get into your scheduled office hours without having to wait for some parents to finish talking to the professor who hasn’t had their kid in class since Quest for Justice, 3 years ago. And of course, it’s prime time for anything that needs an audience. Nothing like a full audience of people who may or may not have any opinion on whatever they just saw, other than “well that was fun!” or, “my, that was sad.”
It’s the one weekend when Kenyon gaslights parents into believing they’re sending their children to an Autumnal Utopia. Kenyon pulls out all the tricks: the Deli is open on Sunday, the Chilitos margs are flowing, and every public forum is jam packed with white kids singing a cappella. But on this small campus, Family Weekend is hard to escape, and there’s one question we have to ask ourselves: where was it said? Family Weekend or in bed?
Beep Beep it’s me the bingo fairy. It’s FAMILY WEEKEND, and that means you are about to be either wined/dined/laundered. OR you are going to have to reap the consequences of uhhhh 2,000 more people coming to campus for a school that does not have the infrastructure in place to support this. Regardless of your situation, play this game to make this weekend a little more bearable.
Tomorrow night marks the first Kokosingers’ concert of the year, and boy are we pumped! But, amid all of the vocal fun, it’s hard to tell: was it heard at the Kokes concert…or in bed? You tell us! Continue reading
It’s family weekend, so your parents are here, and boy did they miss making passive yet personally aggressive comments about everything in sight! Don’t get me wrong, you love your folks– but these three days seem like a century. Maybe it’s the leaves changing or the midterms you just stumbled through. Or maybe it’s the fact that they simply don’t belong in a college environment as they are older adults puttering around demanding the Deli makes espresso drinks even if it holds up the line for 24+ minutes. I digress.
This weekend, you need a stiff drink that the whole family can agree on– I give you, the All in the Family Punch Bowl Spectacular.
Parent trying to one-up their kid: “At Dartmouth we had four dining facilities…”
JT-Loving Mom: “Timberlake… do people ever ask if this house is named after Justin Timberlake?”
Well, I survived my first Family Weekend! Since my parents didn’t come, it allowed me to observe and people watch instead of entertaining family relations. And honestly, people watching is better than family. One thing I particularly noticed was the amount of baggage, physical and emotional, left over after the parents left. That and the relief I felt when I could finally find a table in Peirce and go to the bathroom without seeing a single parent.