Bad Kenyon Fanfic Chapter 1/?

Sean Decatur Adopted Me??!?!?!? (Featuring The Kenyon Lords Ice Hockey Team, Zayn Malik, and Mr. Krabs)

Chapter One:

It started out like any other morning. I woke up in my Norton dingle and put my totally drab brown hair into a messy bun. I start to put mascara on my eyes, which are the color of Peirce beef stroganoff, which I find kind of unsettling since I am vegan. Anyway, I stick in my polymer clay earrings, grab my kanken, and head out the door.

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Middle School Fiction: A Kenyon Story

Please tell me I wasn't the only one. (via my middle school journal)

Please tell me I wasn’t the only one. (via my middle school journal)

You’ve heard of our feature on elementary school journals, where we dive into the past lives of Kenyon students and humiliate them for all the internet to see. But what of the storytellers? You know, the kids who got picked last for dodgeball because their daydreams got in the way of their reflexes; the kids who filled the margins of their copy of Because of Winn Dixie with huge, winding fantasy novels about Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter; the kids who swore they’d be famous authors by age 20, college notwithstanding.

Well, today we’ve chosen to celebrate the young writers among us. We’ve unearthed a few selections from Kenyon students’ middle school portfolios and are publishing them for all the world to see. Buckle up, ’cause things might get weird.

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Kenyon Fanfiction: A Review

Jasper Hale can't get enough of the BFEC

Jasper Hale can’t get enough of the BFEC

It’s no secret that I read a lot of fanfiction. In fact, I’d even consider myself a connoisseur. Over the years, I’ve read some crazy stuff–including some stories set at Kenyon. I couldn’t tell you what compelled me to type “Kenyon college fanfiction” into Google, but I was very pleased to get three results. Continue reading

Overheard at Kenyon, Volume Whatever

overheardWe’re always listening.

Once again, The Thrill has been inadvertently stalking you. As always, if you see your own words here, sorry. Feel free to claim it in the comments, or just be completely silent for the rest of your time at Kenyon.

Incredulous professor to student as they walk in with a potted plant: “You brought a plant!?!?”

Emotional  girl at WiggleGround: “Don’t go into the restaurant business. It’s terrible! Just don’t do it. I’m serious.”

Loud male student at the VI: “And that’s why I don’t buy drinks for girls!”

  • Skeptical woman in the booth behind me who also overheard: “Because they won’t let you?”

Check out more words of wisdom after the jump!

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