Although editor emeritus Emma Specter ’15 is the undeniable fart queen of The Thrill (just look at her staff photo), I think I’ve proven at least once that I know a thing or two about embarrassing butt noises. I’ve felt those tummy rumblies as my Peirce dinner uncomfortably works its way through my digestive tract during my God-knows-how-long seminar. I’ve tried to ignore the slight growl that escapes from my lower pelvis every time I unsuccessfully divert a forthcoming fart from my general cheek area. What I’m trying to say is, I’m an everyman’s man. I know what it’s like to live in fear. And I’m here to help my fellow men and women escape from the ensnarement of social convention. I’m going to teach you how to fart in public. After you read this, not only will you fart at will; you will FART WITH CONFIDENCE. If that doesn’t get you in a tizzy, I don’t know what will.