Ten o’clock list: Places On Campus Where I’ve Screamed At People For No Rational Reason

the-scream

Pictured above: Me

Hello again, it’s I, the Back from Break Goblin! Oh also, the thing with me is, I’m a goblin, and I cannot explain why. I just am. I’m the Thrill’s Resident Goblin. I’m sorry.

Look. I’m not gonna mince words here folks. We live in stressful times. The world is full of injustice, cruelty, and perversion. The polar caps are collapsing, the economy is melting, and nobody is as scared of the Archons as we should be. Civilization’s been going to hell for as long as I can remember, and on top of that, I have to give an oral presentation the same day my next paper’s due. I get stressed you guys. And sometimes when people come into my life with their weird habits or wrong opinions I yell at them. I go on rants where all my nonsense overflows out of me, until I’m not even sure what we’re talking about. Or sometimes I just yell, not at people, or anyone, just at the void for situations I’ve found myself in.

These are my five favorite places on campus where I’ve screamed at people.

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10 o’clock list: Cove-Related Thrill Pitches We Can’t Write Anymore

How much more Cove-related content can we produce? Only time will tell.

How much more Cove-related content can we produce? Only time will tell.

Our beloved Cove is no more, and no group of students has felt this loss quite like The Thrill. To try to cope, I have gone through every list of pitches the staff has created since I’ve been a writer here (that’s 3.5 years kids! Damn near an eternity in Kenyon time) and plucked the best cove-related ideas we’ve come up with and can no longer write. If you’re thinking, “Hey, this sounds like a half-assed post! You just copied and pasted what other people wrote!” then you’d be right. Anyways, here they are:

1. “Cove people react to real life.” Ok, to be fair, we could still do this, especially now that “Cove people” have to face “real life.” But writing it now would be more like capturing widespread “Teen Mom”-esque “haHA EVERYTHING IS FINE I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING” panic and not “16 and Pregnant”-type “Wait WHAT IS THIS? I’m excited and scared at the same time!” panic. Continue reading

Seniors Reminisce: Jank Housing

Item Packet

Oh Kenyon housing, how you have changed over the course of my short tenure here. Back when my perky, 18 year old body first set foot on this campus, my highest residential aspirations were to while away sunday mornings in a Farr Hall stateroom, gazing down at disheveled passersby and softly chuckling to myself. This dream stands, I suppose, but I would guess the majority of the student body would beg to differ. In the past few years many of the college’s charming and cozy living spaces have been bulldozed in order to make way for the construction of spacious, white cubes set aside for the upper crust. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that I had the opportunity to apply to live in a mansion made out of paper, balsa wood and glue and be rejected. However, part of me misses the undeniable charm of the domiciles that had to die in order for these boxes to be birthed. Dear reader, take a walk with me if you will, and I will feed you knowledge of some long-gone, tastefully janky housing options. Continue reading

10 o’clock list: 5 Ways “Assassins” Ruins Your Life

Following the recent email kerfuffle, you’re all probably aware that there’s currently a campus-wide game of “Assassins” taking place right now. Armed with just a spoon and a human target, 220 students have begun a merciless “killing” spree. As a participant who enjoys being alive — both in the real and fake sense — this game has taken quite a toll on my psyche. Here’s what’s been going down:

1. Crippling Paranoia — As a person at a school with alums that go on to invent the Pill and produce straight-to-airplane films, you should know that you’re surrounded by geniuses. Crazy geniuses. Who want to kill you. It’s not about if you’ll die — but when. You’ll start to distrust your friends, roommates and significant others. You’ll lose sleep thinking about your next disguise. You might, in a panicked fight-or-flight sort of reflex, accidentally punch a guy who happened to be walking behind you for five seconds. Once again, reeeally sorry about that, Chris!

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