Following the recent email kerfuffle, you’re all probably aware that there’s currently a campus-wide game of “Assassins” taking place right now. Armed with just a spoon and a human target, 220 students have begun a merciless “killing” spree. As a participant who enjoys being alive — both in the real and fake sense — this game has taken quite a toll on my psyche. Here’s what’s been going down:
1. Crippling Paranoia — As a person at a school with alums that go on to invent the Pill and produce straight-to-airplane films, you should know that you’re surrounded by geniuses. Crazy geniuses. Who want to kill you. It’s not about if you’ll die — but when. You’ll start to distrust your friends, roommates and significant others. You’ll lose sleep thinking about your next disguise. You might, in a panicked fight-or-flight sort of reflex, accidentally punch a guy who happened to be walking behind you for five seconds. Once again, reeeally sorry about that, Chris!