It’s February again. Gross! It was warm, but lo, now it is cold once more. Mr. Phil the Groundhog failed see his shadow, but do not trust the whistlepig prophet, for he murmurs falsehood, he weaves lies with a forked tongue. If you’re a regular gal like me, winter is tough. Your lips get cracked, your face gets cracked, and by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around, you’ve splintered into tiny shards of sentient human flesh! It’s a crazy world out there for a blushing young collegiate, but don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. Here are some fool-proof treats to get you through the next month:

1. Lotion. In winter, everything on your body will flake and shed and disintegrate. Dust to dust, etc, but if you prefer remaining in human form this month and scaling yourself like a fish once a week does not seem fathomable, try a body cream to slick yourself into the correct humanoid shape. I suggest this balm to soothe your powdery, frail skin. Continue reading →