I know how you feel. It’s February at Kenyon, and you’re getting ready to spend the entire month swamped with work, at the height of your seasonal affective disorder, and overall just a little bummed out. But instead, Mother Nature handed you a solid. What the shit? Here we all were, ready to be miserable for an entire month, but instead it’s warm and we’re all expected to spend the whole day looking like a goddamn admissions pamphlet. Luckily, here are some helpful ideas of what you can do to make it out of this month alive.
We have the privilege of going to a school known for its stunningly gorgeous campus. However during winter, we all seem to forget how beautiful this campus and complain about things like how cold it is outside. Well I say enough is enough! In order to prove to everyone how wonderful this campus is during February, the best month of the year, I went on a photojournalistic journey to capture unseen beauty on this campus, and you won’t believe the awe-striking things I found.
It’s February again. Gross! It was warm, but lo, now it is cold once more. Mr. Phil the Groundhog failed see his shadow, but do not trust the whistlepig prophet, for he murmurs falsehood, he weaves lies with a forked tongue. If you’re a regular gal like me, winter is tough. Your lips get cracked, your face gets cracked, and by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around, you’ve splintered into tiny shards of sentient human flesh! It’s a crazy world out there for a blushing young collegiate, but don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. Here are some fool-proof treats to get you through the next month:
- Lotion. In winter, everything on your body will flake and shed and disintegrate. Dust to dust, etc, but if you prefer remaining in human form this month and scaling yourself like a fish once a week does not seem fathomable, try a body cream to slick yourself into the correct humanoid shape. I suggest this balm to soothe your powdery, frail skin. Continue reading
Yeah, you heard me. February is here, and the world is already crumbling down around us. Had a shitty weekend? February’s fault. Do you have a lot to read, write, and express in the form of assignment? February’s fault. Are you freezing your left nut off because of the sub-zero temperatures outside? Okay not February’s fault this time, but that’s ok usually that works shhh shhhh shhhh nothing matters.
February is upon us, and we all know that means it’s almost time to celebrate the pulsating muscle inside us all: the
yak human heart. Yes, it is the season of seduction. Allure. Romance. And as someone who’s participated in a mutual mouth touch at least 0.268 times, I am fully qualified to walk you through the steps of having the sultriest evening of your life without having to leave campus. Strap yourselves in, kiddos, because you’re about to take the love journey of a lifetime.
February is a make it or break it kind of month. At this point in the year, you either resign yourself to watching videos of cats shredding toilet paper on Youtube, or you get your game face on– that is, your pre-game face. Drinking in the confines of your dungeon of a dorm room can certainly be monotonous, but there are ways to fix this. For example, toasts. A pre-gulp toast makes drinking any variety of liquid more exciting. HOWEVER, we’re far beyond the jaded bottoms up! or even worse, cheers! (what are you a mid-century aristocrat?). Time to let the creative juices flow–that’s right–we’re here with some straight-up juicy ideas for atypical toasts. Sit your nether-regions down and pick your glasses up — get ready to make the most(s) out of your toasts.
Although we’ve been warned that February is a cold, heartless month at Kenyon, First Years still are not sure what to expect. Is February truly the Kristen Stewart month, or is it actually just a made up myth upperclassmen use to scare First Years? As we head into February, here are some hopes and expectations first-years have about February and ways to make it your month.
I will find love this month. February is the last truly “cold” month, so why shouldn’t it be the month you finally find someone to snuggle next to for warmth? Also, since Valentine’s Day is on a Friday, obviously your one time hookup will overnight turn into Mr. Darcy and leave flowers on you door or turn into Becca from Pitch Perfect and tribute a song to you. Sadly, although there are more English majors at Kenyon and a capella singers are mighty fine-looking, nothing will really change from Halloween. I’m rooting for you though, single First-years. Go for that DFMO, you do you. Continue reading