Yeah, you heard me. February is here, and the world is already crumbling down around us. Had a shitty weekend? February’s fault. Do you have a lot to read, write, and express in the form of assignment? February’s fault. Are you freezing your left nut off because of the sub-zero temperatures outside? Okay not February’s fault this time, but that’s ok usually that works shhh shhhh shhhh nothing matters.
February is upon us, and we all know that means it’s almost time to celebrate the pulsating muscle inside us all: the yak human heart. Yes, it is the season of seduction. Allure. Romance. And as someone who’s participated in a mutual mouth touch at least 0.268 times, I am fully qualified to walk you through the steps of having the sultriest evening of your life without having to leave campus. Strap yourselves in, kiddos, because you’re about to take the love journey of a lifetime.
Nixon and Zhou both loved a good atypical toast (via WikiMedia Commons)
February is a make it or break it kind of month. At this point in the year, you either resign yourself to watching videos of cats shredding toilet paper on Youtube, or you get your game face on– that is, your pre-game face. Drinking in the confines of your dungeon of a dorm room can certainly be monotonous, but there are ways to fix this. For example, toasts. A pre-gulp toast makes drinking any variety of liquid more exciting. HOWEVER, we’re far beyond the jaded bottoms up! or even worse, cheers! (what are you a mid-century aristocrat?). Time to let the creative juices flow–that’s right–we’re here with some straight-up juicy ideas for atypical toasts. Sit your nether-regions down and pick your glasses up — get ready to make the most(s) out of your toasts.
February, it’s easy as 1, 2, 3
Although we’ve been warned that February is a cold, heartless month at Kenyon, First Years still are not sure what to expect. Is February truly the Kristen Stewart month, or is it actually just a made up myth upperclassmen use to scare First Years? As we head into February, here are some hopes and expectations first-years have about February and ways to make it your month.
I will find love this month. February is the last truly “cold” month, so why shouldn’t it be the month you finally find someone to snuggle next to for warmth? Also, since Valentine’s Day is on a Friday, obviously your one time hookup will overnight turn into Mr. Darcy and leave flowers on you door or turn into Becca from Pitch Perfect and tribute a song to you. Sadly, although there are more English majors at Kenyon and a capella singers are mighty fine-looking, nothing will really change from Halloween. I’m rooting for you though, single First-years. Go for that DFMO, you do you. Continue reading
Sunglasses are always in season. (via carteblanche-x.com)
Sneakers shouldn’t be called “sneakers” because when you wear them, everyone knows what you’re doing. There’s really nothing sneaky about it. You’re clearly going to exercise. Anyway. At Kenyon, some of our clothing choices may not be the most fashion-forward, but they just have a way of working themselves into our lives as we muddle around this tiny little grass patch that we like to call Gambier. A better word for “Fashion” at Kenyon might be more like “Help, I’m Slipping,” especially since Middle Path has turned into an ice luge and it’s really every man for himself out there. Here are some examples of February outfits for you flippant fashionistas.
The Kenyon Thrill 
