10 o’clock list: Places to “Honeymoon” After Getting Kenyon Married

As a first-year, I am merely an outside observer of the concept of “Kenyon Married”. I am the accidental child brought into an adult-only romantic dinner at the quirkiest all-inclusive resort of all time. Except instead of a resort, I am referring to our fine liberal arts institution.

I got here a little over a month ago, so it is understandable and expected for me to not be “Kenyon Married”, or even “Kenyon Engaged”. I would argue that this perspective puts me in a prime position to make unbiased suggestions about other people’s relationships.

Or maybe I’m just the strangest combination of a Hopeless Romantic and Jaded Writer Who Likes Making Fun of Things on the Internet to ever grace this site. 

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First Years React: PEEPs Halloweekend

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This was a special year, in that we somehow had anywhere from 3-6 Halloweens, which was, honestly, far too many if you ask me. But you didn’t ask me, no one asked me anything. Instead, we asked the First Year writers about their experiences this Halloween, specifically the final event, the PEEPs Halloweekend Party. And they delivered.

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Fall Break: New Writers React

We’re back! Fall break has come and gone and we’ve got mixed feelings bout it. Another milestone in the Kenyon year has passed, and we asked our new writers to reflect on break in all of it’s glory.

“I have five writing assignments due within the first two days of classes back and guess how much of that workload I completed? None of it. I completed none of it and I hate myself. I slept from the hours of midnight to ten, woke up to drink coffee and then fell asleep for a midday nap that lasted roughly an average of three hours which was amazing way to live. I was racking up close to fifteen hours of sleep a day. I was like a newborn baby except with an acute awareness of the Sisyphean existence and human mortality. It was all I could’ve hoped for and more from Fall Break.

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First Years React: Shock Your Mom

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“OH…I NEED to go to that!”

Hey look! Our first year writers went to Shock Your Mom and behaved like the perfect angels they are. We asked them about it, but we don’t know why, considering they were all fully clothed and 100% sober the whole night. We at The Thrill have an extreme vetting process for hiring out new writers. We expect nothing less than perfection.

Saturday night started off as any good night should: with an unhealthy dose of RuPaul’s Drag Race and Lady Gaga music videos. This is honestly how I spend most of my nights, but Saturday had some extra flavor thanks to a peach energy drink that tasted like rat poison around 10 p.m.. With the energy drink (or rat poison, who really knows) and copious amounts of glitter, I was able to rally and head south for what I expected to be the highlight of my Freshman year: Shock Your Mom. Alas, it t’was not to be. I love being surrounded by half-naked, sweaty bodies as much as the next millennial, and I think I would have had a better experience had I not been completely sober and expecting Project X levels of insanity (tbh I’ve never seen that movie so I hope the reference works). Final Conclusion: I should have stayed home and watched Gremlins 2 while playing Ticket to Ride. Or I should have used more glitter. -Colleen Kemp

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