Hello and welcome to your orientation for being an extra on The Truman Show! Congratulations on this exciting opportunity. While you won’t be financially compensated (in fact we’ll charge you to be here), the experience and exposure from this job will translate into opportunities down the road!
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The Thrill‘s intrepid new journalists take on the annual Peircegiving feast for the very first time.
In order to find the people you click with at Kenyon, you have to be willing to put yourself out there. And what I’ve learned during my two months on this hill is that “out there” usually means out of the comfort of your dorm and into your building’s common room. Maybe you could even find your future spouse there, scrolling through their phone on a 20-year-old leather couch, who knows! But while this is a sure possibility, it’s also likely that you’ll have to talk to a variety of characters before finding your people. These are just some of them.
Well, shit. Here I am, going out tonight even though I have enough work to fill an entire weekend. Maybe it’s because I’m a first year and maybe it’s because I’m just a dumbass, but I thought I’d share my cocktail for this weekend that isn’t technically the weekend before finals but still feels just as stressful. Hope you drink this and think about your days of being hungover in the McBride bathroom and being asked “who do you know here?” when you walk into an NCA.
Ingredients:
Optional:
Garnished beer foam from an entirely tapped keg
A water bottle full of Brisk Raspberry Iced Tea from Peirce (alternative: water from the same fountain that just tastes vaguely like Brisk Raspberry Iced Tea)
Your roommate’s two days expired half and half
Wiggins Street Mocha after the ice has melted
Leftover chemical spill from the Market
Sweat from a shirtless Kenyon Lord Swimmer™
Amish cream cheese
Directions:
Take a Peirce cup, and then return it immediately because you know it will never get actually back to Peirce and that’s wasteful and a real dick move, anyway. Find the cleanest cup in your dorm room and pour in two shots of vodka. Ask the girl down the hall from you if your Gender Studies paper is due at 5 pm or midnight on Sunday. When you hear it’s due at midnight, reassure yourself that going out tonight is a good idea. Take a sip of your drink and remember it is just a cup of vodka at this point. Find your mixer of choice and make a really shitty cocktail. Go to an all-campus not wearing enough clothes because you’re still trying to impress a romantic partner at this weird school. Jump up and down with your peers for a little, then go home and help aforementioned girl down the hall from you while she throws up.
It was Parent’s Weekend my freshman year. I was surrounded by students who stunk of Ozium and hangover sweats, all collectively pretending that we weren’t glad as hell that our parents had come back for us a mere month into college. All was going well. Continue reading
The Kenyon Thrill 