The Friday Kethcup

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Ketchup is, of course, a tomato-based sauce commonly used to compliment various dishes, especially in American cuisine. But do you know how its made? Well I’m going to tell you. You take tomatoes, sugar, vinegar, salt, spices, onion, and garlic. The more ketchup you want to make, the more ingredients you use. You take the tomatoes and put them in a bowl, then put that bowl in the microwave. Turn the microwave on and melt the tomatoes. This makes the tomatoes into tomato liquid. Then you take the bowl out of the microwave and put all the other ingredients in. Shake the bowl up and down without a cover to mix everything up. After that, you’re almost done. Take your feet and step in the bowl to squish everything together. Don’t wash your feet first. When your feet are totally covered with the mixture, then you’re done. Wipe the stuff off your feet and put it in a bottle. That’s ketchup. Throw anything left in the bowl away because that’s not ketchup. You’ve now made ketchup. It’s the Friday Ketchup.
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The Friday Ketchup

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This is the introduction to the Friday Ketchup. It’s the part of the feature where I usually go on about some unimportant event or create some vaguely funny story in an attempt to entertain you, my small readership. Ultimately, of course, nothing I write here really matters, and it will be forgotten by everyone, including myself, within a few hours. Such is the ephemeral nature of the written word on the Internet. All I can hope to do is write this piece for a few more weeks and then graduate, after which the Friday Ketchup will quickly be left behind, taking up storage space on a server somewhere, but not doing much else. Sure, I suppose someone may stumble upon one of these articles once in a while by accident, but they’ll move on even more quickly than you, picking it up and putting it down like a shell you find at the sea shore. It may be appreciated in the moment, but is soon forgotten for the next shell on a beach full of them. Though perhaps all we have are the moments, maybe that’s all there is. If we try to hold on to those moments, a million more pass us by. So I guess what I’m saying is: it’s the Friday Ketchup. Continue reading

The Friday Ketchup

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This is going 2 be a tough Friday Ketchup 4 me. I am still reeling from the death of Prince, one of the greatest musicians of all time. 2016 has been a terrible year in deaths so far. David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Merle Haggard, Antonin Scalia, Lemmy Kilmister, Glenn Frey, Nancy Reagan, Chyna, my pet Asian beetle Steve, and now Prince. As a tribute 2 his Purpleness, I will be spelling as he would throughout the Ketchup today. I hope U don’t mind. It’s the Friday Ketchup.
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The Friday Ketchup

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As I look back on my time at Kenyon, I realize one thing has really defined my experience more than any other. Sure, the friends I’ve made are wonderful, and sure, all the things I’ve learned I’ll carry with me for a lifetime. But the one thing I think I’ll remember more than anything else is never really talked about. It passes uncommented upon here at Kenyon, and I would guess it does at other institutions of higher learning as well, but it really has been integral to my four years here on the hill. Every once in a while you’ll hear a comment, or see a poster, or smell a smell, that reminds you of it, but its such a part of your daily life that it simply goes unnoticed most times. Well, I’m giving it its due, because it really is the unsung hero of college for me. It’s the Friday Ketchup.
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The Friday Ketchup

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You look at the clock and it reads 3:00 AM. A crumpled-up candy wrapper sits to the side of your textbook. I don’t remember anything of the last ten pages I’ve read, you think to yourself. Maybe it would be better for you to go to sleep at this point. Surely a few hours of rest would do you better than to keep studying. I’ll just close my eyes for a minute, you say, then I’ll be able to finish this up. You look back at the clock. 9:30 AM. You’re late for the test. You rush to put on your clothes and run out the door. A few minutes later you arrive at the classroom, out of breath and sweaty. The professor hands you the test along with a stern look of disapproval. You take a seat and turn to the first page of the exam. You can’t believe it. This isn’t what you’ve been studying for at all. Your head starts swimming and you begin to feel nauseous. The prompt sits on the page mocking you. It’s the Friday Ketchup.

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The Friday Mustard

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Source: terapeak.com

Hey, big news here at The Thrill. This segment is no longer the Friday Ketchup. Instead, from now it is the Friday Mustard. Now I know some people might be upset about this change, but I think in the long run it will be for the best for all of us. I want you to know that it isn’t your fault. The content you know and love will still be here providing your life meaning and fulfillment, but now it will have a new yellow coat. No need to worry. It’s the Friday Mustard. Continue reading

The Friday Ketchup

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Welcome back from break, kiddos. I hope you all got to spend some time tanning like I did. I sure do love peeling off the skin from every inch of my body, the intense satisfaction of it slowly detaching in my fingers. Like a molting snake I am born anew, tan and clean. All look in awe at my bronzed body, basking in my otherworldly glow. I have absorbed the Sun and taken its light. Darkness runs from me and the pale northern hordes are forced to shield their eyes from my brilliance. I am a golden god. Nothing can stop me. It’s the Friday Ketchup. Continue reading