Once Upon an Allstu

typewriter gif

“She lived alone except for a nameless cat.”

This is the first piece in an occasional series in which we construct a story entirely from the content and subject lines of Allstu emails. 

Once upon an Allstu, Jeff, a luckless young security guard, was drawn into a local murder investigation, loyalties were strained to the breaking point. During Deball, he went to see the Lord Kenyon Participants.

“Want to BE A STAR?!”, they said, “the Art Department is offering Open Figure Drawing Sessions! If we work hard enough, we can all shape the world exactly the way we want it to be.”

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The Kenyon Know-Who: Campus Safety vs. Local Law Enforcement


Kenyon is somewhat unique amongst other liberal arts college campuses in that the town of Gambier separates its southern half from its northern half. While Gambier is a charming addition to the campus, the abrupt changes that come with the jurisdiction shift from Campus Safety to the Sheriff are often not as cute.  Read on to keep yourself in the know and out of the slammer.

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Am I Being Detained? Apparently So.

Seattle Officer Killed

I thought it was going to be a routine run to the market, grabbing that just before midnight beer as I finished my work on a Wednesday night. The Red Sox had just won the World Series and I thought I owed it to myself. I borrowed a bike from a friend and gunned it down Middle Path, wind in my hair, not a care in the world as late-October Kenyon flew past me. Little did I know how quickly tables would be turned that night.

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Do It Tonight: Steubenville to Gambier

Taken from The New York TImes

via NYTimes.com

This incredibly significant event–hosted by Kappa Sigma Alpha, POV, and the Sexual Misconduct Advisors–will be addressing the issue of rape, specifically the recent Steubenville rape case, and the implications of how young people and students should be educated on the topic of sexual misconduct and rape in general. The discussion will also emphasize Kenyon’s relationship to sexual assault  and how the campus can become a safer place with regards to sexual misconduct. This event is extremely applicable to the student body and will have great impact on Kenyon’s campus as whole. There will also be free homemade cookies.

  • What: Steubenville to Gambier: How Our Culture Defines and Reacts to Sexual Misconduct
  • Where: The Horn Gallery
  • When: Tuesday April 30th at 7:00pm