10 o’clock list: Sex Positions Inspired by Kenyon’s Campus

This ten o’clock list is brought to you by the one, the only, Maureen Hoff ’15.

You know what gets really boring? Sex. Ha, that was a joke. I’ve always said that even when sex is not as good as it could be, it’s still sex. (ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT.) But here are some spicy moves in the style of the buildings they are named after. We’re not going into detail here because who do you think I am, Cosmo? No. I’m giving you a general outline. You take it from there.

  1. The Horn: “A lot of noise with no substance.” – Swivel your hips in a disengaged way. Avoid eye contact to show you’re aloof and to ensure that you and your naked buddy achieve maximum pleasure. Play music in the background and sing along as if you know the words. You don’t need to actually need to know who the band is. (Trust me. No one else does.) Your partner will think you’re a hottie anyway. You’ll derive a lot more pleasure from this move if inebriated. That way you won’t feel weird about trying so hard to look cool. It will just come naturally, you flower child, you. Continue reading