I’m disturbed, fellow students. I don’t know if any of you have been paying attention, but things have changed. I’m not talking about the Middle Path renovation or the 20/20 plan or the gaping, Cove-shaped hole in our hearts. No. I’m talking about the lack of one very famous gourd. The chill of fall has now descended upon us, and we welcome it with open arms. Sadly, this chill also reminds Gourdlings everywhere of their mother’s absence.
In short, where the hell is Gourdzilla?
She has been gone for too long. I spent too many hours this weekend mourning Gourdzilla’s absence. At least some of you remained positive during this tough time. Here’s what you had to say about this weekend sans gourd mom.
I saw Guy Fieri in a dream.
I was really happy, and a lot of people asked if I was black out. I was sober.