Look At This COW

Last weekend, our writer Tyler Raso put dozens of Thrill headlines into a bot, and then forced the bot, against its and our will, to generate content for us. Every day this week, one article on the site will be one of the prompts the bot generated. These are our stories.

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Cows are everywhere. Here are some bot suggestions for our favorite cows.

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Kenyon Venmo: Halloweekend

kenyon venmoDo you ever find yourself creating complex narratives of the events that lead to one person paying another person via Venmo? How often is too often to scroll through your Venmo feed? These questions are pressing to me. It’s Halloween and nothing is spookier than a Venmo mystery left unsolved. In the spirit of these cold cases, I thought would explore some examples of Venmo transactions that I’ve been overthinking recently, along with a brief analysis.

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It Happened to Him: The Last Housing Lottery Pick in All the Land

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The Housing Lottery has been the talk of the town for the last few weeks. An all-out bloodbath in the name of getting a south campus single, or an NCA with your friends, or even just a single in Mather, as long as you aren’t on the first floor. While I am a first year and had my rooming situation in place previously (thank you, sweet, sweet Zeta division housing), I am trying to feel empathic for those who have no options but to buddy up to a roommate-less friend of a friend in hopes of not getting the absolute worst possible option.

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You Should Eat a Market Sandwich Right Now

Because I’m a first year, I’ve only been here at Kenyon for like a minute and a half. This means that I never knew the Cove, have only been to Fiesta a handful of times and only went to the Deli when I was here for a summer program. From what I have heard, we are in dire times as it pertains to the food situation in our humble village. While I don’t know anything else, I still feel kind of shortchanged.

But, the one thing that redeems it all, my truest gift here at Kenyon still stands: the market sandwich. Oh, wow, how I love you, market sandwich. You have come to me in my time of need without fail, never breaking for a meal at a weird time because I don’t just want a sandwich during Extendo.

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me eating a market sandwich

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