BREAKING NEWS: Kenyon Announces “Fuck Them Kids”

Oh, dear Kenyon, you have decided to disappoint us once again. You have decided to move our graduation to before finals.

This brings forth a few questions:

  • If seniors are graduating before our final grades are in, what does that mean for students who are relying on their final grades for graduating with honors?
  • Do we just leave after our finals are done? Or before?
  • What are you going to give us in the care package? A water bottle and a digitally signed card by Sean Decatur?

Thank you for yet again, Kenyon, for reminding all of your seniors that you simply do not care that we have any kind of special final moments on campus. I really appreciate that you have chosen to bring back the sophomores, and absolutely not give a shit about the seniors. I know this is an intensely difficult position, but your choices through the last four years (particularly your handling of COVID) has been ridiculous and short-sighted. It’s not even about the parents being here– it is the fact that I will still be working on my senior comprehensive exercises when I graduate. 

At Kenyon you will (watch the school be run like a cartoon college). Don’t ask me for money.

2020 Commencement Speaker Announced (For Real This Time)

50womenfalvey

The day has finally come. No more wishing for Janney, hankering for Hank, or manifesting the pure rock ‘n’ roll power of Beto O’Rourke. Well, we might continue with that last one. But for now, we must rest. As of this morning, the word is out that the real, no joke Commencement Speaker for the Class of 2020 is Samie Kim Falvey ’96.

Continue reading

10 o’clock list: KAC Amenities I’ll Miss Most Post-grad

kac-2

I love you

 

As a graduating senior, I’ve been saying a lot of hard goodbyes recently. I just had my last academic class ever. Soon, I’ll be saying goodbye to all my underclassmen friends and before you know it I’ll graduate and will be thrust, quivering and raw, into the real world. All goodbyes are different: somethings I’m happy to see the last of, others I’m not sure I can bear to let go. The KAC is in the latter category. That beautiful, shimmery behemoth tugs at my heartstrings every time I see it. Here’s what I’ll miss most about my sporty baby. Continue reading

What Alumni Miss about Kenyon

With graduation two weeks away, seniors are preparing to say goodbye to the Hill and their time here. Some may be counting down the days with excitement, others with deep existential dread. Above all, these weeks bring a time of reflection on the memories made in their four years. What comes to mind are big moments like First-Year Sing or Senior Soirée, but there are also little moments and details of Kenyon that go unnoticed only until one leaves the Hill. There are smells, sounds, and feelings that don’t exist outside of Kenyon, but it’s hard to put those into words while we’re still here. So, we asked alumni to think deep back into the pockets of their memory and share with us their small moments of nostalgia. The things they didn’t expect to miss about Kenyon, but found themselves longing for anyway. Hopefully, for us still here, we can take a moment to realize these taken for granted aspects and relish them while we can. Below are responses from Alumni.

Continue reading