How Kenyon History Predicted the Fall of the Olin Wall

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The Wall. Our humble and benevolent Olin Wall that provided us with security and safety from the reality that was asbestos and demolition. Beyond the rumble and bustle that we heard from the great beyond, the Wall was simply just a wall. But then, tragedy struck. We all saw the snapchats of that fateful October evening as the wind gusts blew over our beloved while we sat shivering in our damp dorm rooms, waiting for the apocalypse to begin, as it surely must when such a wall is reduced to nothing. For when our wall came crashing down, so did our inhibitions and the notion that we were in fact safe from the horrors that lay beyond. But is it really such a surprise that such a monument came crashing down upon us? I think not. Slap on your conspiracy theory caps, because after careful digging and consideration, I’ve somehow attempted at trying to understand why this day, why October 28th , 2018?  Here are some of my attempts at making sense of this tragedy.

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Dungeons and Dragons: Kenyon Edition

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Lord Graham Gund of Castle Kenyon sits atop his sacred Hill, glass in one hand, 2020 plan in the other. Tonight, he’s hosting a gala inside the Kenyon Athletic Center, his ballroom and playpen. A week ago, a single crow tapped upon your window, a crisp envelope caught in its beak. The bird presented you with an invitation to Lord Gund’s weekend extravaganza. Are you brave enough to attend? Grab your polyhedral dice and start rolling to find out…

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First-Years v. Construction

futuristic cityWith all the construction it’s pretty hard to tell what’s actually being accomplished.

Some might say it’s impossible in fact. Especially for a first-year who has a lot of other things to think about.

This is the story of one woman’s journey to see how outlandish of construction projects she could convince first-years to take a stance on. (Deep thanks go out to all the first-years interviewed for being good sports and generally hilarious people).

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10 o’clock list: Social Board Promises Sendoff Act Will Actually Show Up This Year

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Kenyon students love nothing more than recalling ambiguous memories about Sendoff. Even if you spent a mere two minutes in the pouring rain watching some dude named Bas you still end up looking back with nostalgia on sitting on South Quad drinking a lukewarm Keystone. Kenyon students are far too familiar with having almost great experiences; however, as no one has yet to cancel on us this year, Sendoff seems promising.

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Meet a PC: Cat Von Holt ’19

Every week, The Thrill features a member of a student-support organization to bring awareness about the various resources available to the student body on campus. This week, we’re featuring Cat Von Holt ’19, a Peer Counselor from St. Louis, MO. Stay safe this week, and know that there is always someone you can talk to if you need help.

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10 o’clock list: Things I Would Sign in the Thank You Card to the Anonymous Donor if I Had Nothing to Lose

10 o’clock list: Things I Would Sign in the Thank You Card to the Anonymous Donor if I Had Nothing to Lose

I’m sure by now you’ve heard the good news: we’re rich! After receiving a historic 75 million dollar donation, it’s time we pay a little thanks to the mysterious man (or Hamburger Helper puppet hand–who am I to presume?) responsible for inciting the transformation of Kenyon that will ultimately make this hill feel foreign and cold to us when we inevitably return as bedraggled alumni searching for meaning in our past lives. I love the warm, soft womb of academia.

Oh, oh god.

Whomstever the fuck our donor is, I have some choice words for him. Hear me now, anonymous donor, whoever you may be.

 1. Dear Anonymous Donor,

Thank you so much for your generous donation! I’m not going to have a library for my senior year at Kenyon. Thank god I can’t read. How much would it cost to replace all my professors with clones of Hugh Dancy?

HAGS!

Erica

2. D, 

913-9*7-9480. Mather 216. Yes, I have a passport. No, I don’t have anything to lose.

E

3. Dear Donor, 

What internship opportunities do you offer at Monsanto? I have attached my resume.

Sincerely,

Erica

4. Dear Graham Gund, 

We get it!

5. Dear $$$$$$$$$$, 

I’m on the market for a daddy. Will send pics of my feet ;)

xoxo

Whoever You Want Me To Be

P.S. That perfume you smell is Fantasy by Britney Spears.

6. Dear Hamburger Helper Puppet Hand,

You kept your promise! You are always watching over me! I love you, Dad!

Your little hamburgette,

Erica