How To Maintain A Balanced Diet In A Food Oligarchy

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It’s Tuesday, and the weekend of parents is already a distant memory. Those whose parents deigned to show up were treated to a nice reunion and a hearty helping of guilt. Your parents witnessed your lifestyle, and they are disgusted. When’s the last time you ate a vegetable? For the next couple days or so it might be nice to try to make the family proud. And what better way to do so than filling your body with some actual nutrients? So, in a deep haze of shame, I present a guide to healthy eating in Gambier, OH. Continue reading

10 o’clock list: Cove-Related Thrill Pitches We Can’t Write Anymore

How much more Cove-related content can we produce? Only time will tell.

How much more Cove-related content can we produce? Only time will tell.

Our beloved Cove is no more, and no group of students has felt this loss quite like The Thrill. To try to cope, I have gone through every list of pitches the staff has created since I’ve been a writer here (that’s 3.5 years kids! Damn near an eternity in Kenyon time) and plucked the best cove-related ideas we’ve come up with and can no longer write. If you’re thinking, “Hey, this sounds like a half-assed post! You just copied and pasted what other people wrote!” then you’d be right. Anyways, here they are:

1. “Cove people react to real life.” Ok, to be fair, we could still do this, especially now that “Cove people” have to face “real life.” But writing it now would be more like capturing widespread “Teen Mom”-esque “haHA EVERYTHING IS FINE I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING” panic and not “16 and Pregnant”-type “Wait WHAT IS THIS? I’m excited and scared at the same time!” panic. Continue reading

Inside Scoop: The Gambier Water Tower

IMG_0196 Ah yes, my dear, the Gambier water tower. It elicits a great bounty of strange and powerful emotions in the pit of your precious little belly, doesn’t it? It certainly does in mine. Many a time I’ve gazed at it while taking a brisk, reflective, horribly guilt-ridden constitutional following unspeakable acts in and near the Beta Temple. I’ve thought to myself, “wouldn’t it be lovely to scale this mysterious spire and quaff the purifying liquids I know it holds.” You too, right? Why yes, you say? I’m glad we share this impulse. Well then, you’ll be happy to hear that I recently had the pleasure of communing directly with the Tower itself. Read on if you want to know the sweet secrets of its love.

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