You’re going through an identity crisis. A breakup. Your gum got caught in your hair during a good old-fashioned Old Kenyon DFM (dancefloor makeout). Maybe you’re chopping off another useless three inches. Maybe you’re dyeing your ends to signal to the world that you’re dying inside. I’ve done it. You’ve done it. Let’s talk hairstyles that broadcast to the public that you are Struggling™.
As college visit season comes to a peak, one of the most common questions asked by over-confident prospies is: “Why did you choose Kenyon?” It’s a hard question to answer, as the reasons why students choose Kenyon College are as varied as they are numerous. Some fall in love with our stunning campus, others long to join our diverse population, and I guess a few want a good education, or whatever. Me? I came for what Kenyon is known best for. We’ve been on lists! We’ve won awards! I enrolled to become the newest, and first, cosmetology major at Kenyon College and, boy, have I been cutting some hair.
We all showed up on campus a month ago looking fly as heck with freshly shorn locks and impeccable summer outfits. But as the days pass by, dye begins to fade and undercuts start growing out. At this point, we’re all just shuffling around wearing potato sacks and failing to shower regularly. Haircuts can be few and far between if you don’t go to the local barbers, and sometimes the urge to cut your own hair is too strong to resist. Here are some tips n’ tricks from all of us here at The Thrill for when you decide to break out the scissors.
Cut into hair, not straight across. No matter how careful you are, it will never be perfectly straight. Never. Cutting into your hair makes it look more feathery and soft, which can work in your favor to hide any unevenness. Continue reading
This post features the tremendous tresses of Georgie Russell ’17 and the salient stylings of Em Green ’17, who can also be contacted for $10 haircuts at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The man bun: Jesus invented it, Chris Hemsworth brought it back, and now everyone’s talking about it. So, naturally, the trendiest of Kenyon students coughed and Gambier’s infected. To achieve this look, you’re going to have to start by growing out your hair to a generous shoulder length, as depicted above. It’s a commitment, yes, but it could totally add to your game—you’re already so hot!
As we all know, what we look like is more important than who we are as people. Throwing your hair into a bun is a quick and easy fallback for long hair, but if it looks like shit, then not only does that mean that you are an incompetent human being, but also that you probably peaked in high school and will soon be forgotten by your peers and family members. So let’s get you back on your feet!