Late Halloween: Notable Kenyon Alumni Costumes

Imagine it: There is a Halloween party happening on campus and the pandemic has magically vanished. This party isn’t for students, though. There are alumni gathered, but not just any alumni. The party is full of notable alumni. You know, like famous people. Now that I’ve set this scene for this spectacular event, you might be thinking, “Gee Ella, this sounds fun! But where are the costumes?” 

Trust me, I did not come unprepared. In fact, I have a whole list for you of exactly what their costumes would be in this fever dream type of scenario. Sit back, eat an entire bag of discount candy you bought, and watch my masterful Halloween vision unfold before your eyes. 

  1. John Green as Hank Green. John Green is the type of guy who would definitely go for a quirky Halloween costume that earns a chuckle from unsuspecting party goers. For his costume, he would simply dress as himself and then put “Hank” on one of those sticky name tags. People would be like, “John, you were supposed to dress up for this!” and he would point to his name tag, causing a fun little giggle. I have to applaud the natural low effort here. 
  2. Paul Newman as a Farmer. Hannah Montana once sang about the best of both worlds, and honestly, that’s the vibe I’m going for with this costume. The country hat and overalls would pay homage to his Western film days as a cowboy, and yet, the idea of the farmer comes full circle to his organic foods line. He could even bring his own salsa to the party for a shameless self promotion and everyone would think it was the coolest thing ever. Truly a man who can do both. 
  3. Allison Janney as a Starfish. You know Allison Janney from The West Wing? Oh, that’s cool, but pretty basic. At this Halloween party she deserves to shine in one of her iconic roles that nobody seems to pay attention to: Peach in Finding Nemo. Yeah, you heard me. Allison Janney was in Finding Nemo. I’m envisioning a whole body suit of arms to really accentuate her height here and give her the credit she deserves. 
  4. Josh Radnor as a Skater Boy. I don’t know about you, but I get major “how do you do, fellow kids?” energy from Josh Radnor. This may or may not be from watching Liberal Arts, but that’s too much to unpack right now. He would go around the party telling everyone he’s Josh RADnor while calling them dudes. I feel like he would definitely try to break dance with starfish Allison Janney. 
  5. Rutherford B. Hayes as Himself. I’ll cut to the chase: if you have the name Rutherford, then you are obviously interesting enough to not even need a Halloween costume. Plus, he was more stylish than any Kenyon student currently on campus. Look at how he dressed on Google. Do it. You will see some button down coats that only he can rock. That is all I have to say.
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The Monday Catchup 11/2/20

Halloween 2020 is in the books! Woo! I hope you all stayed safe while being spooky!!! Did you??? Did you stay safe??? Let’s not forget there’s a full-ass pandemic going on!!! Because it seems like a lot of people out there had some sort of mental lapse and thought it was okay to party with lots of friends just because a fun holiday rolled around. Now that’s scary, and NOT scary in a good way. Scary in a bad way. Don’t do that. Stop.

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Secret Halloween: November 1st

Hello readers. I imagine that most of you will be reading this the day after All Hallows’ Eve, long after the ghosts and ghouls have departed. “Rats” you may be thinking to yourself, “If only I could have made more of last night. My fright and scare levels aren’t nearly where they should be.” Well do I have news for you, dear reader. For years, I have been celebrating a bonus holiday, known only to a select few. With this one weird trick, I have circumvented the post-pumpkin blues. And you can too, by celebrating Secret Halloween with me.

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Thrill-o-ween: Drinking Game

Yes we’re all going to be depressed alone inside this Halloween but no, we don’t have to remember it. Enjoy this drinking game all by your lonesome or zoom with a few friends to wallow together. When should I start, you ask? Whenever you want. What is time anyway?

  • Drink every time 2020 gives you a trick instead of a treat.
  • Drink when the crushing fear of your uncertain future becomes too much.
  • Drink every time you remember that it’s Halloween and you’re alone and it’s only 9pm but you’re already tired.
  • Finish your drink if you haven’t cried in 4 hours.
  • Drink every time someone posts an Insta pic of their cute costume and you look down and see that you’ve spilled cold spaghetti on your pajama shorts again. 
  • Drink for every time someone invited you to a non-socially-distanced party.
  • Drink every time someone makes an allusion to this entire year being spooky.
  • Drink every time you run into the ghost of Christmas past.
  • Drink just because… I don’t know, just fucking drink. 
  • Drink every time you look in the mirror and don’t even recognize the person staring back at you.
  • Drink if you’re in class right now. 

Now, More Than Ever, We Must Get Fucked Up on Halloween

It has been a difficult year.

Consider all that has happened. Actually, don’t, it’s upsetting. Remember the impeachment? Yeesh. Remember Kobe? FUCK. Let’s not talk about it.

We still have two months left of 2020, most of which will surely be spent dealing with the fallout of the 2020 election (you’re kidding yourself if you think that hellrodeo will be settled on Tuesday night). And we still have to get through almost half of a semester that is probably––and I’m going out on a limb here–– not our best ever with Kenyon College. 

So what can we hold onto, at this moment when the world threatens to fly off of its hinges?

Halloween.

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