It Happened to Me: I Offended the Hockey Team

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March 3, 2016

Next month, it will have been a year.

In early March of my senior year of high school, winter was shedding its layers and readying itself to welcome spring. But, before it bid the town of Montclair, New Jersey goodbye, winter offered us one last shot at a snow day. Word of the upcoming weather spread quickly. Two days away from the forecast, children across the school district feverishly checked snowdaycalculator.com to validate their hopes. I was one of those children. At 10:15, I got a notification from a classmate, Cameron. He had posted a screenshot from snowdaycalculator.com in the Facebook group of my graduating class. The post read, “Fingers crossed!” followed by a predicted 63% chance for a snow day two days away. I grinned, unabashedly revealing a mouthful braces to the glow of my computer screen. My mind whirred with excitement, and as fan of comedy and attention in general, I wracked my brain for a joke to comment on Cameron’s post. That’s when all hell broke loose.

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Kenyon High Schoolers

For some, high school follows you to Kenyon!

For some, high school follows you to Kenyon!

High school. For some it was a four-year-drag through the deepest pits of hell with perhaps life’s most daunting challenges. For others, a John Hughes teen-dream extravaganza (complete with unprompted musical numbers, because that says “high school” like nothing else). Either way, most of us have a high school past that’s long out of sight. And yet, maybe you’re at Kenyon with a familiar face: a former classmate who you’d bitch to as you both panted around the track during gym class, or whose homework you would copy during free period (wow, I miss high school just thinking about that). I sat down with Izzie Davies ’17 and Tess Matthews ’15 who have been in school together since baby-teeth days to rehash some fond memories.

How long have you guys gone to school together?

Tess: We started going to school together when I think I was in 5th grade and Izzie was in 4th grade and it was a really weird Montessori charter school … It was mixed grade classrooms so we were in the same class for a couple years.

Izzie: We also lived, like, four blocks away from each other … I was going through all these old notebooks and things I had back from when I was in elementary school and I found this map that I’d drawn after Tess and I had gotten to know each other that went from my house to her house so I could walk to her house.

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Philander’s Ball: High School Homecoming in Disguise

Ah, high-school dances, you never know when another is going to creep into your life.

Ah, high-school dances —  you never know when another is going to creep into your life.

For those of you who attended the ball this past weekend, you most likely felt a sense of déjà vu the minute you walked into the KAC. A gym. A dance where alcohol is prohibited. A date you probably didn’t want. Sound familiar? I bring you to your high school homecoming dance.

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Why I Wasn’t Cool in High School: A True Story

Daria tells it like it is.

Daria tells it like it is.

Before starting this post, I told my old high school friends that I was writing a piece on why I wasn’t cool in high school, and asked if they had any memorable stories or moments that really backed up that point. The majority of them responded like this:

You should JUST post a picture of yourself from freshman year!!!!!!!! And then just like, be done with the post!

(A warm shout-out to all my loving, kind, dear friends.)

And this all actually got me really sad, and really kind of disappointed in our high school selves. Continue reading