Hey guys. This news may shock or even upset you, but the Cox Health Center has delegated ME to outline and share Kenyon’s new intimacy guidelines in the age of covid-19.
Totally Official Kenyon Covid-19 Hookup Guidelines
Tag Archives: hookups
Weekday Playlist: Valentine’s Day (But Extremely Unhelpful)
Hey everyone. It’s The Thrill‘s resident hopeless romantic here.
When I’m not daydreaming about people who may or may not even make eye contact with me on Middle Path, I spend an obscene amount of time crafting Spotify playlists that only have one consistent listener– myself. Well, until now. With Valentine’s Day being tomorrow, I thought I would share some music with all of you. Continue reading
The Monday Catchup
It’s Saturday night. You’re two beers and one jell-o shot deep at a friend’s party. Why did you take that jell-o shot? Well it’s over now, and you’re feeling buzzed. Maybe you’re even feeling tipsy. Perfect. The party hosts are playing the BEST song (for the record that song is Tipsy – Club Mix by J-Kwon). Channeling the jell-o you bounce back and forth, making the rounds. Then you spot that one guy. You know who I’m talking about. He’s the guy you see sometimes in line at Fusion. Yeah. That one. You tell yourself to play it cool and keep chatting up your friends. He is probably into that freshman girl anyway. The one who posts a ton of bikini pics. Yeah. That one. Wait, he’s walking towards you. Yes? No? Yes. He locks eyes and grabs your hand to dance. How long did you dance? It could have been 10 seconds. It could have been an hour. You talk about class and life and each other all the while you are sure he can smell jell-o on your breath. Why did you take that jell-o shot? Just when you think he’s about to leave, he leans in. His lips travel to your ear and he whispers, in a voice barely audible above the Club Mix of Tipsy by J-Kwon, “how was your weekend?”
It’s the Monday Catchup.
“I got catfished. After that I got a Wiggins Mocha.”
Things I Realized Over Winter Break Are Only Socially Acceptable at Kenyon
I’ve had a hunch for a while that I’ve slowly developed a mild version of Stockholm Syndrome with Kenyon College. It comes on slowly, starting with a positive sentiment towards living in a one-and-a-half restaurant town. It finally becomes incurable with the onset of a nose ring infatuation and a sensation of terror because of the abundance of tampon options at the local Trader Joe’s. Since there are very few similarities between rural Ohio and Houston (besides the raging conservatives), I am reminded over breaks that there are a lot of things that are ONLY socially acceptable on Kenyon’s campus and are fully bizarre out in the real world:
Valentines As Mediocre As You Are
don’t look at me just send me a text or whatever
Look, whether you’re into it or not, Valentine’s Day is coming up fast. Some people think it’s fun, some people think it’s dumb, either way it’s on Sunday and there’s nothing you can do about that. If you’re in the market for putting asymptotically close to zero amount of thought into your V-Day charades, allow me to help. You can peruse our past postings of incredible/fun/witty Valentines made by student artists, or you can check out (and print!) these garbage ones I made just for you. Whatever floats your trash. Continue reading
The Kenyon Thrill 