My First Thanksgiving: The Horrors of Hipsterification

All your friends will look like this by spring break.

Ah, Thanksgiving break. A time to consume irresponsible quantities of potato-based foodstuffs, grit your teeth and pretend to find your extended family delightful and marvel at how much your old friends have changed. Not I, however — last week, I flew home to New York confident that my best friend Jazmine would be the same as ever. Now, I know everyone thinks they and their high-school BFF were “practically the same person LOL!”, but seriously, we were on a whole new level. Affectionately known to our teachers and classmates as “Fric and Frac,” “Mutt and Jeff” or “Seriously, though, it’s kind of weird how much time you guys spend together,” Jazmine and I were the Brittany and Abby Hensel of our high school: essentially fused at the neck from day one of freshman year until graduation.

But when Jazmine sent in her deposit to Bard, a school notorious for a student body so aloof and avant-garde it could double as the audience for an Animal Collective show, I began to fear imminent change. I hate to judge a school by its stereotype — after all, Kenyon has more than its fair share of hipster identifiers (see “Horn Gallery, The” and “Flannel button-downs on campus, prevalence of”) — but The Huffington Post, which rated Bard #3 in its list of “Top 10 Hipster Schools,” describes the college as “a must-visit venue for touring indie rockers, who play in a converted garage called Smog.” A converted garage called Smog. God have mercy. As we said our tearful goodbyes before leaving for college, I made Jazmine promise she wouldn’t let Bard turn her into the kind of pretentious douchecanoe we loved to mock. Continue reading