Ha-Ha, You’re All About To Start Shitting Everywhere

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According to a student info that just went round, you’re all seriously fucked. I’m the only writer that was capable of making it to a computer without vomiting down my own shirt (I assume), and that’s just because I’m thousands of miles away enjoying a shit-free night. Something that, you, unfortunately, probably won’t be experiencing for the next 24 hours. The e-mail warns students of a short lived but significant virus that leads to puking, cramping, and pooping, and it does this, I quote, “quickly.

So scrap whatever plans you had for tonight, tie yourself down to your bathroom, and please don’t touch me.

Be Prepared: The Krud is Here

The Kenyon Krud can be as cunning as Scar. So you, know be prepared or whatever.

During syllabus week it became apparent that the infamous Kenyon Krud has hit our campus early this year. Sore throat, running nose, aches and pains and maybe even a slight fever are sure signs that you have been infected and what you are experiencing is not just allergies. I’m not sure how this all got started, but whoever was patient zero, you should be ashamed of yourself. Continue reading