If John Green Wrote a Kenyon-Inspired YA Novel, This Would Be the Summary

Hold on to your seats, because we at The Thrill obtained an advanced copy the newest YA hit: Finding Middlepath. This 100% real, verifiably true summary comes straight from the ever-flowing pen of Kenyon’s most esteemed export, the metaphor man himself, John Michael Green. Read it and weep.

College freshman Philander Mather-McBride is exceptionally ordinary. He plans to live the rest of his life with his only personality traits being his freckles and the fact that he has read Catcher in the Rye once. That is, until he meets enigmatic junior Koko Rivers. Koko is eccentric and unconventionally beautiful (you know, the type of beautiful that makes her attainable to a very boring guy). She divides her time between aimlessly frolicking through the cornfields of their rural Ohio campus and talking to the rat she found in her NCA.

And then, one magical Deb Ball night, Koko invites Philander into her world. And his life changes forever.

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Josh Radnor, Please Stop Haunting Me

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 It’s 4:30 am, and I wake up from a nightmare in a cold sweat, covered in a pile of Cheez-It crumbs. I scramble for my phone, my hands shaking as I wipe the tears from my bloodshot eyes. My roommate shakes her head and rolls back to the other side of the bed. “God, not again. Go to bed. He’s not real.” I do not answer. I am rendered speechless by the image of my tormentor, the man who haunts my nightmares: Josh Radnor.

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Josh Radnor’s Music and Drawing What I Feel

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I would say that I am the Thrill’s resident Alumni Stalker. I Facebook messaged John Green for months on end (always being left on read) and I have Josh Radnor’s tweets on alert. Once he even directly responded to me! To cut to the chase, I don’t know if most normal people know this, but Josh Radnor has a band. Yes, you heard me correctly. He and a pal write three to four minute songs with titles like “It’s Yours Once You Give it Away” and “Still Though We Should Dance”.

You know when that kid from your high school tries to become a SoundCloud rapper and you’re like, haha, thank goodness we weren’t friends and thus I can’t be associated with him? This is like that, except you chose this. You chose to be grouped with the man who willingly made this video: Continue reading

Liberal Arts’ Janney-Radnor Sex Scene: A Critical Analysis

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Oh hello! It is I, the Irresponsibility Goblin! Your personal piece of trash going nowhere fast! My face has nary been around these parts as of late, for a number of reasons. Most of them having to do with my taking on a frankly unrealistic amount of academic work, but we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here because staff writer Nate Winer wanted somebody to close read a scene from Josh Radnor’s famous Liberal Arts, the Kenyon masterpiece. I begged him for it, and have now come out of my self-imposed exile to fulfill this promise. So here it is folks–I’m going to close read the scene where Josh Radnor has sex with Allison Janney.

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Things I Realized Over Winter Break Are Only Socially Acceptable at Kenyon

I’ve had a hunch for a while that I’ve slowly developed a mild version of Stockholm Syndrome with Kenyon College. It comes on slowly, starting with a positive sentiment towards living in a one-and-a-half restaurant town. It finally becomes incurable with the onset of a nose ring infatuation and a sensation of terror because of the abundance of tampon options at the local Trader Joe’s. Since there are very few similarities between rural Ohio and Houston (besides the raging conservatives), I am reminded over breaks that there are a lot of things that are ONLY socially acceptable on Kenyon’s campus and are fully bizarre out in the real world:

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Hey We Got High and Watched Liberal Arts and Boy Do We Have Some Spooky Things to Say About It

Hey We Got High and Watched Liberal Arts and Boy Do We Have Some Spooky Things to Say About It

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Everyone and their mothers know about Kenyon alum Josh “The Rad Man” Radnor’s magnum opus Liberal Arts (2012) because everyone and their mother watched it after being accepted into Kenyon. Not only was this film written, directed, produced, and starring Josh “Radatouille” Radnor, but it was filmed at Kenyon College. (Here! Where we go!) And while Liberal Arts is really not a bad film, it’s not that good of one either, and the thrill (thank you) of it really comes from watching the places you live show up on screen, and being reminded that this institution has a real reputation with real alumni.

So after getting high and taking extensive notes, I am gonna tell you the spooky things my friends and I noticed while watching this masterpiece.

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