The Monday Catchup


Dear class of 2022,

Wow! Congratulations! You studied. You applied. Kenyon swiped right on you and you swiped right back. You could afford to pay full price, had an SAT tutor, and are white — Super Like. I’ll just call you Cool Mint because you are too Juul for school. But, who really cares. You’re in the club now. Your K-card photo is still reflective of how you look in real life (just give it some time), and yeah, you DO know who pinegrove is, but their new stuff is garbage. How was your weekend?

“Dude I ran out of pods.”

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