10 o’clock list: Research Papers You Write in College that Annoy Your High School-Aged Sister

Going home for break is mostly an exercise in figuring out how to complain about your homework without actively alienating your entire family. Like, you want to moan about the books and papers you need to take care of, but, also, will your grandparents freak out if they know you’re spending 14 hours a week learning about reggae music and mystical Judaism? When the spines of 2/3 of your break books read “The History of Sexuality”, the family room can turn into a family conflict room in an instant. But, clueless olds aside, it’s the high school-aged siblings you really need to be concerned about. If you let your little sister find out that you’re writing your final research paper on the Clique series, she may throw a temper tantrum, declare life to be totally unfair and announce she’s dropping out of high school. To avoid the hysterics, remind her that she needs to graduate high school before she can have fun in college — and never, ever show her this list.  Below, a list of real paper topics dreamt up by real Kenyon students.

  1. Parallels Between Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and Chaucer’s “A Pardoner’s Tale”- This paper is the summation of “going to Kenyon” in the minds of all high schoolers. Continue reading

Easter Egg Hunt: Beer Can Edition

keystone head pic

Basket lovingly “borrowed” from the Kenyon Collegian office. Keystone courtesy of some drunk idiot.

If you celebrated Easter as a kid, you probably have fond memories of joyfully scouring your backyard for bright pastel eggs. Easter morning at Kenyon is just like that, except instead of eggs hidden with love by Mom, your prize is a bunch of half-empty beers flung around campus by dummies who were too busy celebrating Newman Day to find a trash can. Don’t get jaded, though — incorporate a cheery Easter basket and a can-do spirit, and hunting down dented cans will feel exactly like the good old Easters of yore.

Read on for a special Easter treat, brought to you by gratuitous littering and Keystone Light (“Keyster Egg Hunt?” LOL, puns.)

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