Fact-checking with the highest journalistic standards.

You could say that, prior to writing this article, my knowledge of Tinder was pretty limited. On the scale of, “Is it an app for collecting firewood?” to, “Oh yeah I totally just met my freaky freak of the week on there”, I was somewhere in the middle. After a brief Google search and the realization that Ask Jeeves no longer exists, I sat down in my Taft, like Thoreau without the pond, to offer you this stunningly well-informed advice about Kenyon-themed Tinder pick-up lines. Godspeed.

1. ResLife = Thug Life. Go for the gold with a few classic housing-themed lines. Example A: “Yo girl, let’s just say my shaft is about as high as the vaulted ceiling of a third floor Taft.” Right. If you’re feeling a little less outrightly vulgar, you could break the ice with something like, “You must live on the Kenyon Farm because you make my cock a-doodle-doo.” Continue reading →