What If…Horror Slashers Went to Kenyon?

Halloween is one of my favorite times of year for several reasons, but especially because it’s when people decide that horror movies are acceptable…but what about the rest of the year? What do our favorite slasher villains get up to outside of spooky season? Why, they’d naturally attend Kenyon College. To make things easier for everyone trying to wrap their heads around this half-baked idea of mine, I’ve decided to figure out who famous slasher villains would be if they were Kenyon students.

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A Kenyon Horror Story

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Here at The Thrill, we’re focused and determined to bring the campus hard hitting journalism, and today, we’ve uncovered a story filled with horror unlike anything ever witnessed here at Kenyon College. This certainly gave our staff nightmares, and we’re sorry if it does the same for you, but the truth must be told so that hopefully, others will not be victims. 

It was a dark and stormy night when first-year student Jon Greene* decided to check his email. It had been a long day, filled with classes and repetitive student info emails. He hoped, perhaps, that one of his emails would be from his professors, giving him a grade on his latest english essay. But alas, all the subject titles read [STUDENT-INFO].

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