Things I Put in my Zoom Call Background in Hopes That the Baddies Will Notice

WARNING: unprecedented amount of Phoebe Bridgers-related decor to come. No seriously. More than you think.

I learned a long time ago that, despite my many technological skills (I tweet at least once an hour for validation), I don’t know how to change a zoom background. I know you guys think you’re so funny with your little green screens, but I have no idea how to do it. So I am not amused. How else am I supposed to express my personality in a virtual classroom?

Well, if you’re like me fret no more. I have a solution. Instead of playing with my Zoom background effect, I have decided to put things next to and behind me in the regular world. So here are a few things I put in the background of my Zoom calls in hopes that the baddies will notice.

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Moxie: A Kenyon Tail

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THIS LITTLE MAN

He is the little shadow-kitty parked directly in front of your feet as you walk to Peirce. He is the dirty boy tumbling in the gutters. He is the splash of ebony against a pile of leaves, loafing majestically in the sun. Most importantly, he is Moxie. Everyone loves him and he knows it. He often tricks folks into thinking he is a lost little lamb wandering in the woods. Don’t be fooled. He is smarter than you and he knows exactly what he is doing. Here’s a collection of his adventures.

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Kenyon Pets: Colin the Betta Fish

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Colin is a red and purple lil’ betta dude that I purchased at Mount Vernon’s own “We lov pets” as a consolation when my mother strongly advised against me buying a rabbit on Craigslist. She also shot down my idea to adopt a cat or even just steal Moxie off the streets. Among the many shelves of tiny cups of fishies, Colin immediately spoke to me with his shiny fins and feisty attitude. I got him a tank, gravel, a weird boot to hide in, and a fake plant. What can I say? I like to spoil my son. Since bringing this beast home with me, I’ve discovered that he’s a total freak.

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Kenyon Pets: Noodles Yussman

Kenyon Pets: Noodles Yussman

Hello, Kenyon! Did you know that I have a housemate with four legs? This is Noodles, the sweet fuzzy child of Hayley Yussman ’18. I love Hayley but also I love Noodles. Look at her. She is perfect. She has so much to say and she is so, so smart!!! It is time to meet her. Are you ready? Please say “hello” to the good, good goblin kitty of NCA 20A.

 

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Kenyon Pets: Pterodactyl the Laser-Chasing Betta Fish

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he sees u

This is Pterodactyl. He is a betta fish of an unknown age belonging to Jen Cabiya ’18. As you can see, he is red. He is also very cool. He lives in a ten-gallon tank complete with an aerator, some nice blue rocks, a plastic diver’s helmet (for hiding), a sign that says “BEWARE SHARKS! NO SWIMMING” (to showcase his great sense of humor), and some mini roman pillars (because he’s a classy, well-learned lil’ dude). Of course, there’s more to this little aquatic demon than what meets the eye. Be prepared to meet the most talented fish to ever attend this fine liberal arts institution. Take it away, Pterodactyl!

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