Kenyon Zodiac: Content from Kenyon Alums

Zodiac clock

Hello my fellow birthday-havers! I hope you had a good Thanksgiving break and ate lots of turkey! Gobble gobble, am I right? But now we’re into the final stretch of the semester and and what’s that, you need something to watch/read/consume once finals are over? Well go ahead and bookmark this, baby, because oh do I have some content for you.
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Kenyon Zodiac: All Campus Parties

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co-authored by Editor-in-Chief and Aries sun Shayne Wagner! 

Sup, Nachos! Feeling like you’re lost? Descending into an abyss of school work and seasonal affective disorder? Well, we’re here to give you some direction. Here’s a new Kenyon Zodiac for you to sink your teeth into. This time, the signs as all-campus parties! You know them, you love them, you’ve probably cried at at least one of them!

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Kenyon Zodiac: Sculptures!


art is everywhere

What is happening my friends and foes! How was your weekend? Please do not ask me about mine. Here’s the deal: it’s the week before Spring Break and god knows how you might be feeling. Maybe you haven’t smiled in days! Maybe you’re crying outside the library as you read this! Regardless your pre-break coping mechanism of choice, I have something that will make you feel better. Let me take you on a journey to self-knowledge. Understanding. Let me show what thicc metal object you best represent on this campus. Here we go. The signs as: Sculptures.

(Author’s note: no shade to these beautiful pieces of art I love art thank you Graham Gund if I die young bury me in satin lay me down on a bed of Graham Gund’s architecture)

Aries- Those Sweet Sweet Dancing Angels. You’re fun, full of energy, and people look up to you! You’re also the star sign/sculpture most likely to come to life in the dead of night and create mischief.


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Kenyon Zodiac: [Student-Info]


Hey, pick up the phone! I’m calling you! I have some news! I threw up on middle path yesterday because I ate a chocolate bar too quickly! But also…Kenyon Zodiac is back! This new semester is in full swing and you may be looking for a little insight into your true essence, what you really mean to everyone on this campus. Look no further, I’m here to offer you my wisdom. Brace yourself: the signs as [Student-Info]’s.

Aries- [Student-Info] ARE YOU INTERESTED IN TAKING MUSIC LESSONS???/REMINDER. You are energetic, confident, and a staple in your community. No one wants to mess with you but everyone respects what you’re doing.

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Kenyon Zodiac: Housing Edition


no, we’re not gonna talk about the new astrological sign.

Welcome back to another installment of the best thing you’ve ever read. That’s right, the Kenyon Zodiac is here to inspire you, to connect you to your place in the universe, to make you a better person. But that’s not enough. It’s time to step it up. This round, not only are we telling you what your sign is as ~*Housing on Campus*~ we’re here to offer you a little sage advice for the week ahead. Nuggets of wisdom. Two cents. Mercury is out of retrograde and so it’s time to get our lives back on track. Buckle up.

Aries- Old K. You’re well-known, lovable, and a hot mess. A triple threat!

This week: Watch out for spiders. I don’t know what you did but it really upset them. Continue reading