Hello! I have a Big Flu. I thought I would make it out of this germy cesspool unscathed. Instead I am reconciling with the fact that the flu vaccine was only, like, thirty percent effective this year and that Knox County has transformed into a plague-ridden apocalyptic death zone. I looked out my window after a coughing fit today and saw a girl walking home holding a tissue to her nose. Everyone is dying. Everyone is flu. Stay healthy, kiddos.
Guess who’s back, pitches! It’s me, the healthiest girl in the world, here to tell you why I am not sick and therefore better than you in every way. I know that you were looking for some compassion and maybe the notes for the class you missed, but all I have for you is a list of things that kept me from being where you are right now, with one foot in the grave and one foot on some middle path pebbles.
Gather ’round, children, and I will tell you about the Great Krud Epidemic of 20-everyyearbeginninginNovember.
Yes, that’s right: every single academic year, the students at Kenyon College would become ill with a disease that was not quite as severe as the flu, not quite as mild as the common cold, and not quite severe enough to excuse anyone from classes: The Krud. Continue reading
Although many Kenyon students have less than pleasant things to say about our beloved Health Center, Health Center Director Kim Cullers has glowing things to say about Kenyon students. She is particularly impressed by students who arrive at the Health Center seemingly knowing exactly what their ailments signify. Apparently, eight out of 10 students who visit the Health Center go only for confirmation and medication. Maybe Web M.D. should be getting a cut of our tuition bill?
More Health Center numbers after the jump.