Phishing Scam or Kenyon Fuckboi?

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It (sorta) happened to me: my friend got a hilariously bad spam email. When I read it myself, something about the way that the “hacker” spoke sounded oh so familiar. I soon realized that the scammer reminded me of your garden variety Kenyon Kasanova. He managed to take on several classic Kenyon personas over the course of the email, a few of which are below:

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Peirce Date: 2 Peirce 2 Date

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We’ve seen your comments, we’ve heard your cries, and now it’s time for—you guessed it—the return of Peirce Dates. In this classic Thrill feature, we set up two complete strangers on a blind date in Peirce to prove that love can be found among even the blandest of vaguely-Asian noodle bowls. Join us and watch as romance, or at least new friendship, blooms.

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OPEN CALL: WE WANT YOU FOR A PEIRCE DATE

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Do you feel face blind when you walk into a party? Have you been cat-fished or gaslit? Do think back fondly on the simpler times when you told people they were cute on ask.fm? Are you just looking for someone to share your life with on this desolate hill? Are you jaded as fuck and eating a tuna salad in Peirce right now?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, delete your Tinder and give a Peirce Date a chance. Continue reading

It’s Okay, You’re Okay, We’re Okay

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via Imgur

Hey, it’s me, grandmagrandpa. I’ve cried twice over the past couple days, but now, my tears are dry and I’m ready to talk. You might be struggling, too. It’s February, for Gund’s sake. Whenever I talk to any of my friends, I say, “how are you?” and they say, “tired” or “IT’S FINE” or “aaaaAAAAHHhhhh,” which makes me think we’re all in need of a little pep talk. There, there, my sweet. Grandmagrandpa’s here. I promise that you’re going to be okay.

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Peirce Date for Valentine’s Day

Peirce Date

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Hello lovers. Welcome back to Peirce Dates, an old segment that we recently brought back for this day of blind Cupid’s arrow, my favorite holiday and your’s: Valentine’s Day. We at the Thrill love love, and to celebrate it we set two strangers up on a blind date in Peirce dining hall, the most romantic place on planet Earth and also planet Mercury, believe it or not.

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10 o’clock list: Peirce Aphrodisiacs

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Sure we’ve all heard of oysters, strawberries, and chocolates as aphrodisiacs, food to fuel your sex drive. But if you’re on a budget this Valentine’s Day and still looking to get sultry with a special someone, we all know that fresh fruit and seafood is hard to come by in the servery. That’s why we here at the Thrill have put together a list of alternative Peirce aphrodisiacs that are sure to liven up the libido. Alternatively titled, a List of Foods to Get You in the Mood, here’s the Thrill’s science certified list of Peirce foods to help make this year’s Valentine’s day extra sexy and special.

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