A Habitual Philanderer


This post was guest-written by Brady Furlich ’19

As I sit in Mod B across from a Tinder match that I only know by first name and self-written bio (he’s a vegetarian and into Jane Austen – English major, maybe? I’m not sure), I wonder what happened to the ability to flirt at Kenyon. At other schools, bars and various dining halls provide a perfect setting for snappy conversation and occasional eye contact across the room. Now, without Olin, Kenyon students are left to flounder at the hands of the mods.

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I Drank Out of Bowls For Three Days and Sorry I’m Enlightened Now (But Not Really)


photo cred: Mollie Greenberg, who would like to say “I think you could associate me with liquids”

Look around you. The world is two big bowls pressed together with a cranberry vinaigrette salad in the middle. Your head is a bowl for the squishy computer we call the brain. Your hands are just flexi-bowls. Eyes? Bowls. Your heart is a bowl for the slippery blood which breaths emotion and heartburn into you. Bowls, even, are fashion (see below).

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10 o’clock list: Five Ways I’m Better Than You

Hello. (via cuddlebit.wordpress.com)

Hello. (via cuddlebit.wordpress.com)

Kenyon is a hierarchy: A big, green, leafy hierarchy of human students who are judged and ranked and treated differently based on how good they are. Some students are great; some are very bad. This is the one true Kenyon Law. No one can change it.

Look around you. Do you see how everyone is looking you up and down, raising their eyebrows and shaking their heads?  That’s because they’re carrying out Kenyon Law. You’re being ranked, right here, right now, and your prospects aren’t looking too great.

None of that matters, though, because I’m better than you. And I’m gonna prove it. Continue reading