The Monday Catchup

The Monday Catchup

Wow! Amy Leech ’19 came back from her first semester with bangs and she thinks she is the shit.

The McBride resident wasn’t sure about taking the plunge and snipping off her locks. Despite her personal subscription to the New York Times, owning those boots every girl has, and 3.89 GPA, Amy still didn’t feel like she meshed with the Kenyon community.

“I just didn’t have that it factor,” she explained to her hairstylist as she stared at her self in the mirror. Amy said she knew her next words would siesmically shake from her home town of Leechburgh, Pennsylvania to Gambier, Ohio.

“I want bangs.”

After convincing herself that brown hair, too, would make her fit in to the campus even more, she left the salon with a full head of poop brown, fringey bang hair.

Amy felt like the shit walking down middle path. She sadly was not and no one really cared. The same was true for Brice who dyed his hair blue, Cloe who got a septum ring, and Jackie who gained seven pounds.

How was your break?

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The Monday Catchup

The Monday Catchup

Who’s patient zero? If you are, stay away from me. If you aren’t, stay away from me. No way my temple of a body can be reduced to FILTH by “influenza” just because you didn’t get your flu shot (or maybe you got your shot and it didn’t work, which still translates as stay. away. from. me). Look, I feel for you. Getting sick right before finals is a huge pain, but it is an even larger pain if I get sick before finals. I have a blog to run. So excuse me if my precautionary hazmat suit and Clorox wipes offend you this week. How was your weekend? (I hope you got some sleep patient zero)

“Fools was a sensory overload nightmare.”

“Eggs are such a treat after a wild night.”

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The Monday Catchup

The Monday Catchup

Good morning my sweet peppers!

My name is Mia Fox. Gosh I hate to do this, but I lost myself last week. I was in the KAC women’s visiting swim team locker room and I put myself in a locker. When I got back from swimming, I was gone. I believed in Kenyon community as a group of students I could trust. Now, however, I am disheartened by the blatant disrespect not only for me, but for myself. Myself was given to me by someone really close to me, and I would love to be reunited soon. If you have seen me, myself, or I, please call 555-555-5555. Please do NOT respond to this email if you think you are a budding comedian and want to make the same tired joke about your “bike” or “pin” or “left testicle” being lost. I really just want to find myself before the end of the year. My mom will be so upset when she comes to pick me up and discovers that someone took myself away from me. ugahagh. I’m gonna go vomit; I’m so nervous thinking about it. How was your weekend?

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The Monday Catchup

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The description for this photo: finals-night-young-caucasian-student-struggles-to-stay-awake-next-to-spilled-coffee-pile-books-white-background

As the chill settled upon our hill last evening, I found myself restored to an infantile state. Here I sit now weeping, tired, and drinking from a coffee cup as if it was teat supple with mother’s milk. Yes, a coffee teat. I can’t tell if that last image was a product of creativity or fatigue. It was probably the latter. Find me Friday at 6:30pm. I’ll be in a better mood- certainly a different state. Many of you were in a different state, too this weekend. Here’s what you had to say!

If I had a baby at the beginning of the semester, it would be a semester old. Wow.

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The Monday Catchup

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Graham Gund got a little freaky with this most recent installation

This semester’s basically over, kids. That means we only have one more semester left in this whole school year. Well you first years should be excited for things like rushing a greek organization or seeing the campus blanketed in snow. Seniors, you should be spending the next few months in absolute terror as your time at this four-year country club of a college comes to an end and “the real world” approaches- making itself known in the darkest times of the night, creeping, beckoning like the grim reaper, impregnating fears of a menial job and a listless marriage that beat on for decades until one day when you realize you didn’t do much with your life and you wish you could return to that time in high school when you won the superlative “best personality” because that meant that you were actually noticed…you think. I can’t wait!! Here’s some other thoughts from the weekend

I almost superglued my fingers together

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The Monday Catchup

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In case you missed it, I edit these photos with a janky, online program called BeFunky, people. It’s probably stealing information from my computer.

Wake up! The coast is clear. The families, the parents, the younger siblings-they’re gone. With them they took clunky Peirce trays and name tags and incessant comments like,”So, are you dating anyone, because I think everyone here is cute, Mia!” They took it all, stuffed it into the trunk of the family Subaru, and left you in the dust. Time to return to life as usual. You can haul out the beer you hid and feel better about that hickey on your neck.*

Here’s what you thought about this doozy of a weekend.

I lost my mom in Walmart.

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