Hello everyone and welcome to another installment of the Monday Cats Up with yours truly. Oh sorry. Catchup.
But speaking of cats, I have a personal update to share with you all before I dive into the week that has passed and the week ahead. Yes, I was ashamed to admit this at first, but I need to be as honest as I can: I like Moxie now.
I don’t know if The Monday Catchup has ever had a theme in the past. Probably not because, like, why would it?
But Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I think this year I should be more celebratory than usual. And no, not because my annual men-are-garbage tweet has become low hanging fruit. I think I should lean into the fact that writing for a comedy blog is the most romantic thing I could do at Kenyon. And being in love can be fun, so why not embrace it!
So without further ado, here is my Valentine’s themed Monday Catchup. It’s the week in review– starring people and things I fell in love with for one day!
Monday: Last Monday, I fell in love with the unseasonably warm tease that Ohio weather gave us all. I sat outside on the freshman quad and read about transnational feminism while eating a box of mini croissants from Kroger. I thought to myself wow, this must be what it’s like to be abroad in Europe.
Tuesday: On Tuesday, I fell in love with my remaining Kroger mini croissants at 1 in the morning.
Wednesday: On Wednesday, I fell in love with the cute little icicles that were on every tree on campus. You know the ones.
Thursday: Never mind I’m really cold I would like to break up with the icicles.
Friday: On Friday, I fell in love with any person that tuned into my WKCO show. So it’s like, not clear if I fell in love that day at all.
Saturday: On Saturday, I fell in love with multi-colored LED lights. I don’t expect you to understand this love, but opposites attract.
Sunday: On Sunday, I felt lonely and cynical. I considered requesting Venmo money from everyone I’ve ever had a crush on this Valentine’s Day. And I haven’t stopped considering it since.
Regardless of who and what you fell in and out of love with last week and before, you can open your heart again to some of Kenyon’s upcoming events!
“50 Years of Women at Kenyon” with Caitlin Horrocks & Allison Joseph: Tuesday, 4:30pm @ Brandi Recital Hall.
Kenyon College Women’s Basketball v. Hiram College: Wednesday, 7:00pm @ Tomsich Arena.
Engaging in Internships with Ohio Health: Thursday, 11:10am @ Samuel Mather Hall.
Another week has gone by already? It’s almost hard to believe. For me, the past week has faded into a blur of reading about political theory, meticulously creating Spotify playlists that only I will ever listen to, and lying on the floor. My failing memory, in this sense, doesn’t put me in the best position to catch you all up. But never fear! I have enlisted some of my friends to share a highlight of their week.
Good evening folks and welcome to another week in the great city of Gambier! Another week has come and passed, and I can confidently say that I am a better person because of it! No, really, I have learned so much.
It’s a new semester. A new year. And a new decade. And with all this newness, the Monday Catchup is under new management. My management! With the first week of the semester under our belts, there is much to discuss. For me personally, the past week has been marked by speed walks to the registrar, a long-awaited reunion with the deli’s Mickey Eggs, and an ongoing inner monologue about whether or not I’m “built for a sorority.” For my peers and I, falling back into our Kenyon routines in this new year meant a year of firsts, including:
I’m not sure how this bit started, but some friends and I committed to make a roller skating outing before the end of the semester. We did some research, found a place about 40 minutes away called Roll-A-Way Skating Center in Newark, Ohio, and –wow!– our research revealed the place was open 24-hours on Saturdays. Okay, yes, fair, that seems like a red flag, but we trusted it. Upon our arrival, at 11:30 AM, we felt an initial wave of panic. The place looked sketchy as hell. But, damn, the parking lot was PACKED, so we still had hope. When we entered the lobby, we felt our bodies transported to another dimension. Kids were everywhere, clutching beautifully wrapped birthday presents for some kid named Daniel. It was the aesthetic of the lobby that really did a number on us. It felt like a family-owned, run-down carnival ride that had been passed down to some weird nephew named Scotty in Grampy Herbert’s will, and that weirdo Scotty converted it into a 24-hour roller skating rink for birthday parties. But alas. There was a fatal flaw in our plan. From the darkness, an adult man with a goatee emerged, who I can only assume is weird-Scotty, and he said to us, “There’s a private party happening today. You get our hours on the Google?” to which we replied yes. He then over-explained his personal feud with the multi-national technology company. The word “insidious” was used a minimum of 3 times. He apologized and hoped that, for our sake, one day “Google will be sued out of existence!” Anyway, we fled the scene and drove another hour to a different skating rink. We made sure to call and confirm their public skate hours, because goddammit, we would not be duped by that insidious Google again!
ohmigod you guys. Elle Woods graduated from Harvard Law School this weekend!! I’m, like, so proud of her. The daughters of Delta Nu support each other, and I’m the pledge-master of Kenyon’s chapter of Delta Nu, so you know I was at that graduation ceremony, cheering her on sooo hard, like “Honey, it’s us! The girls of Delta Nu! We came to seeeee our president beeeee legally bloooooonde.” I’m still a little bit bummed that she and Warner didn’t work out (RIP Ellner), but I’m glad she found a new mans who seems like a better guy. He’s a little scruffy? But she gave him a really good makeover and got him to ditch that corduroy tragedy he wore as a jacket. Also! He’s a frat guy! Some frat called AD… I’ve heard he lives in a bullseye??? Not really sure what that means, but I’m so happy for her. Delta Nu also had our formal this weekend, we had to compete with pretty much every other greek life org on this CAMPUS!!! But of course we pulled the people. It was like…. sold out or something ;)