The Monday Catchup

The Monday Catchup

Wow! Amy Leech ’19 came back from her first semester with bangs and she thinks she is the shit.

The McBride resident wasn’t sure about taking the plunge and snipping off her locks. Despite her personal subscription to the New York Times, owning those boots every girl has, and 3.89 GPA, Amy still didn’t feel like she meshed with the Kenyon community.

“I just didn’t have that it factor,” she explained to her hairstylist as she stared at her self in the mirror. Amy said she knew her next words would siesmically shake from her home town of Leechburgh, Pennsylvania to Gambier, Ohio.

“I want bangs.”

After convincing herself that brown hair, too, would make her fit in to the campus even more, she left the salon with a full head of poop brown, fringey bang hair.

Amy felt like the shit walking down middle path. She sadly was not and no one really cared. The same was true for Brice who dyed his hair blue, Cloe who got a septum ring, and Jackie who gained seven pounds.

How was your break?

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The Monday Catchup

The Monday Catchup

Who’s patient zero? If you are, stay away from me. If you aren’t, stay away from me. No way my temple of a body can be reduced to FILTH by “influenza” just because you didn’t get your flu shot (or maybe you got your shot and it didn’t work, which still translates as stay. away. from. me). Look, I feel for you. Getting sick right before finals is a huge pain, but it is an even larger pain if I get sick before finals. I have a blog to run. So excuse me if my precautionary hazmat suit and Clorox wipes offend you this week. How was your weekend? (I hope you got some sleep patient zero)

“Fools was a sensory overload nightmare.”

“Eggs are such a treat after a wild night.”

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The Monday Catchup

The Monday Catchup

Good morning my sweet peppers!

My name is Mia Fox. Gosh I hate to do this, but I lost myself last week. I was in the KAC women’s visiting swim team locker room and I put myself in a locker. When I got back from swimming, I was gone. I believed in Kenyon community as a group of students I could trust. Now, however, I am disheartened by the blatant disrespect not only for me, but for myself. Myself was given to me by someone really close to me, and I would love to be reunited soon. If you have seen me, myself, or I, please call 555-555-5555. Please do NOT respond to this email if you think you are a budding comedian and want to make the same tired joke about your “bike” or “pin” or “left testicle” being lost. I really just want to find myself before the end of the year. My mom will be so upset when she comes to pick me up and discovers that someone took myself away from me. ugahagh. I’m gonna go vomit; I’m so nervous thinking about it. How was your weekend?

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The Monday Catchup

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The description for this photo: finals-night-young-caucasian-student-struggles-to-stay-awake-next-to-spilled-coffee-pile-books-white-background

As the chill settled upon our hill last evening, I found myself restored to an infantile state. Here I sit now weeping, tired, and drinking from a coffee cup as if it was teat supple with mother’s milk. Yes, a coffee teat. I can’t tell if that last image was a product of creativity or fatigue. It was probably the latter. Find me Friday at 6:30pm. I’ll be in a better mood- certainly a different state. Many of you were in a different state, too this weekend. Here’s what you had to say!

If I had a baby at the beginning of the semester, it would be a semester old. Wow.

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