10 o’clock List: New Years Resolutions for the Entire Campus

10 o’clock List: New Years Resolutions for the Entire Campus

I’m a firm believer in being critical of the things you love. It’s okay to accept something for all that it is, good and bad, and celebrate its strengths. But I think it’s important to acknowledge its shortcomings both for your sake and the sake of the thing you love. That said, in my six full semesters as a Kenyon student I’ve seen some ish. Some of it was very good ish. Some of it was very, very bad ish. As we hurl unrelentingly towards the new year and semester, let’s take some of our biggest criticisms and turn them into points of personal growth by making them cause for new year resolutions! Yay personal growth!

  1. Take the Campus Rage About 2016 Sendoff and put it towards something productive. My sophomore year, the administration tried to change the date of Sendoff and did not involve students in the decision. Needless to say, Sendoff-goers were freakin pissed. The whole campus mobilized and eventually we got the date changed back. I’ve never seen this campus as united as it was over Sendoff before or after the fact, so I think in this next year it’d be cool to put our collective energies towards something productive. Productive how, you ask? That’s for you to decide.
  2. Return the third floor of the library to its former glory and just be quiet. Back in the day, people would actually glare at you if you held an extended conversation on the third floor. These days, the entire third floor is just Second Floor Chalmers Lite. I’ve heard people have 5-10 minute conversations and others speak in their regular indoor voice as if this isn’t the designated quiet study space on campus. Whispering still makes noise. In this new year, if you’re gonna talk on the third floor just don’t.
  3. More dogs on campus. I’m not really sure how to achieve this, but I think it’d be awesome if we all tried. We are all better when we are around dogs. If we can’t bring the dogs to us, maybe we can bring ourselves to the dogs by volunteering at the Knox County Humane Society. Seems like a win-win to me.
  4. Try to complain a little less. There are approximately five things to do on this campus, of which complaining is one. It’s easy, it’s relatable, and it’s something to say to that person in your class who you don’t know very well but still know well enough to talk to while in the Comfort line. But the fact of the matter is that Peirce is pretty good, and your professors are good at their jobs. This year, let’s try to play a little nicer and complain a little less.
  5. Maybe just uhhh return your Peirce cups? Seriously. It’s not that hard and it’s stupid expensive for the school to keep replacing these cups. Next year, let’s hold ourselves and our peers accountable and resolve to always return our cups. Hooray, personal accountability!

10 o’clock list: New Year’s Resolutions Down The Drain

It’s almost a month into the New Year (incidentally our last year on Earth) and those New Year’s Resolutions you made in a drunken but exuberant haze of 2012 excitement might have reached their untimely demise. In fact, polls on these resolutions show that there is little chance you will actually keep these until 2013 (which doesn’t really matter because 2013 won’t ever happen, but whatever). Here is a list of common New Year’s resolutions that you’re statistically unlikely to keep. Most of these should look pretty familiar to you:

  1. Exercise regularly. To get at the bottom of this problem, the KAC is just really far away. It’s a long walk, especially if it’s this cold outside. I know this is ironic because if you’re going to go exercise anyway, the walk is like a warm-up, but it’s a pretty valid excuse to me. If you live super close to the KAC, you’ll need another excuse (I’m too hungover, Wikipedia is down, too much homework, busy on facebook, where are my sneakers, etc).
  2. No more procrastination! Let’s be honest, this is just unrealistic for some of us. Some people work better under pressure, some people are more efficient under stress, and some people just have different priorities and really fun websites to check instead (my personal favorites are this one, this one, this one and of course,  this one. You’re welcome, bored procrastinators). This resolution also doesn’t apply to those of us who are really good at bullshitting.
  3. Be more patient with others. Look, I’d be a lot better at this one if I wasn’t so stressed from procrastinating and trying to exercise regularly…
  4. Keep in touch with old friends. That’s what Facebook is for, right? Boom. Done.
  5. Tell the truth. It keeps your life less complicated because then you don’t have to remember all the lies you’ve told to different people. Lies are hard to keep organized.
  6. Stay organized. I found someone’s lost K-Card on one of the BFEC trails today … probably something you should keep track of. But to be fair, I also forgot my Spanish folder on the second, third and fourth day of class. No one can really remember where they put everything. It’s called organized chaos.
  7. Help others achieve my state of perfection. This won’t ever happen, so there’s no point keeping this…

Don’t lose faith if you have kept your resolutions this far! You’re better than the rest of us quitters and don’t give up just because everyone else has … good luck, sucker.