Bad Kenyon Fanfic Chapter 1/?

Sean Decatur Adopted Me??!?!?!? (Featuring The Kenyon Lords Ice Hockey Team, Zayn Malik, and Mr. Krabs)

Chapter One:

It started out like any other morning. I woke up in my Norton dingle and put my totally drab brown hair into a messy bun. I start to put mascara on my eyes, which are the color of Peirce beef stroganoff, which I find kind of unsettling since I am vegan. Anyway, I stick in my polymer clay earrings, grab my kanken, and head out the door.

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10 o’clock List: Things Possibly Worse Than Zayn Leaving One Direction

Zayn Malik, middle, will be leaving One Direction

By now, unless you’re living under a rock, you’ve heard that Zayn Malik is officially leaving One Direction.  The internet has been ablaze with teenage girls crying.  Like actually literally weeping, look at this Buzzfeed article.  But let’s face it, Zayn is the fourth best member of One Direction and there are some things that are worse than Zayn leaving.

  1. Asian Beetles – Now that spring is here, it’s time for these pesky bugs to come out and start to congregate on our ceilings and window sills.  They are the worst, just pretending that they’re cool. Continue reading

10 o’clock list: Alternative Guests for Sendoff


Pope Francis approves.

So, just about two weeks ago this year’s lineup for Sendoff was announced:  Logic and Danny Brown.  Now that you’ve had some time to let Social Board’s choice sink in, I ask you, dear readers, to consider an alternate universe in which the following magnificent men and wonderful women were chosen to provide entertainment for our enjoyment.

  1. Michael Jackson – They were able to get him for the 2014 Music Billboard Rewards, so why couldn’t we invite his hologram to perform for us?
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10 o’clock list: My Criteria for Prospies

via tumblr

Because I occasionally host prospies, I am obviously the go to person for deciding whether or not someone gets in.  This is the criteria I use when I pass judgement.

1. How they chew – To me, nothing is worse than people who chew grossly.  Imagine a society where everyone chewed politely.  What a utopia that would be.

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10 o’clock List: Five Ways to Avoid the New One Direction Single



Today, US Weekly told me that One Direction was planning on releasing a new album later this year. I relaxed, thinking I still had time to prepare my fallout shelter before 1D’s newest permutation of noise-poison inevitably caused a nuclear event.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. Just as my mind drifted to my New Apt bunker full of non-perishable food, gas masks and toilet paper, a piercing noise filled my ears.

They released a single. It is called “Fireproof”. Don’t click that link.

Scared? It’s okay – Momma Grace is here to make the monsters go away. Follow my lead and you’ll be 1D-free in no time at all. Continue reading