By now, unless you’re living under a rock, you’ve heard that Zayn Malik is officially leaving One Direction. The internet has been ablaze with teenage girls crying. Like actually literally weeping, look at this Buzzfeed article. But let’s face it, Zayn is the fourth best member of One Direction and there are some things that are worse than Zayn leaving.
So, just about two weeks ago this year’s lineup for Sendoff was announced: Logic and Danny Brown. Now that you’ve had some time to let Social Board’s choice sink in, I ask you, dear readers, to consider an alternate universe in which the following magnificent men and wonderful women were chosen to provide entertainment for our enjoyment.
- Michael Jackson – They were able to get him for the 2014 Music Billboard Rewards, so why couldn’t we invite his hologram to perform for us?
Because I occasionally host prospies, I am obviously the go to person for deciding whether or not someone gets in. This is the criteria I use when I pass judgement.
1. How they chew – To me, nothing is worse than people who chew grossly. Imagine a society where everyone chewed politely. What a utopia that would be.
Today, US Weekly told me that One Direction was planning on releasing a new album later this year. I relaxed, thinking I still had time to prepare my fallout shelter before 1D’s newest permutation of noise-poison inevitably caused a nuclear event.
Unfortunately, I was wrong. Just as my mind drifted to my New Apt bunker full of non-perishable food, gas masks and toilet paper, a piercing noise filled my ears.
They released a single. It is called “Fireproof”. Don’t click that link.
Scared? It’s okay – Momma Grace is here to make the monsters go away. Follow my lead and you’ll be 1D-free in no time at all. Continue reading
Now that we are deep in midterms, it’s time for that super fun time of the year– Parents Weekend ! Some of you may be dreading this weekend, stashing leftover beer cans and failed history papers away. Or perhaps you are genuinely looking forward to seeing your parents again. Regardless, you are probably looking around Gambier thinking, “where does one bring parents when not eating?”. Lucky for you, there are many events on campus this weekend!