An Exposé on Love, Mail Crime, and Kenyon’s Finest

 

romantic-silhouette-young-couple-man-approaches-his-girlfriend-embrace-sunset-concept-love-99559864starter_package

Very loosely based on a true story 

It’s a fine fall/summer/swelteringly hot day of 90 degrees at Kenyon. You’re walking down the street and the birds, or should I say the construction sounds, are screeching and you’re headed to the bookstore to pick up your package. It’s your birthday. Mom sent you a box which you can speculate is probably filled with candy, cough drops, cough medicine, allergy medicine, tea, more tea, some more tea, your retainer that you “forgot at home”, and finally your birthday present which is a nice fat check. You stroll into the bookstore, down the stairs, and you wait on line behind all the sweaty students until finally it’s your turn. You say your name casually looking down at your phone, but wait there’s more. As the nice woman begins to inform you that they don’t have your package your heart begins to sink. Not have my package?? It’s my birthday! I got an email! You begin to explain the situation. You show them your email you state your name. With a confused look the nice woman breaks the news: Someone. Stole. Your. Package.

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Packages Are Very Fun

So we’re well into fall semester which means (hopefully) that you’ve all received at least one care package from home/friends. Nothing beats that moment of finding the yellow slip (or five–for us online shoppers) in your box, turning it into the postwoman at the window and ripping that baby open as soon as you leave the building (the box, not the postwoman). Especially when your package looks a little like this:

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